Roller Coasters Stink!!! I’m not talking about the ones you ride, I like them. I’m talking about the roller coasters that one can be on with your meds. Right now I’m on a roller coaster while my psychiatrist is trying to get my meds straightened out. Some days are good while other days like the one I had today stink!
I’m on a fairly new drug called Geodon. Geodon is supposed to be a great drug for helping to even out Bipolar symptoms. The only problem is that with some people Geodon will elevate your blood pressure. Unfortunately, I’m one of those people. I’m doing better with Geodon, but I still don’t like it!
The last few days haven’t been to terribly bad, some light headedness, but overall nothing that I couldn’t cope with. Today was not one of those days! Today I felt at times like I was going to pass out at times. At other times my eyeballs felt like I had just let George Foreman use them for a punching bag a few times as they hurt!
I’ve been chatting on line in the DBSA Invision Power Board. This board is put up by the “Depression & Bipolar Support Alliance” or just “DBSA.” In my previous writings I’ve mentioned how great the DBSA is & how big a help they are for those of us with Bipolar disorder. What I’ve found out from others in this group, plus talking with some of my friends & family that have traveled down the road of mental illness before is that I am not alone in this travel. It normally takes awhile for a person with a mental disorder to get their meds balanced out.
In addition, I’ve found out quite a few things about all of the meds that I’m on. One thing that scares me through all of this is that if I’m not careful, I can very easily become overmedicated or even wind up on a medical disability due to my meds. Disability is something that I’m working hard to avoid. That is why I’m not giving up & throwing in the towel. I have set it in my Heart to beat this.
I look at life a different way now. Now that I know that it’s Bipolar disorder that basically destroyed the past twenty-five years of my life. Bipolar disorder took from me almost everything that I ever cared about, loved, or busted my butt for. At one time Bipolar disorder even took all of my family from me. I knew there had to be something wrong with me but I could never find someone to believe me or care enough to get me the help I so deperately needed.
For years and years I was always told my failures were due to my crazy ideas, I just wasn’t living right, or some other lame excuse. No more excuses! Now I have an answer! Now I’m getting somewhere.
This roller coaster that I’m on is still marked progress over where I’ve come from. Yes this roller caoster stinks, bad! Yes, I hate being on this roller coaster but I know that God has given me one of the very best Care Teams that one could ever hope or pray for.
I’ve got an appointment coming up with my psychiatrist and I know that she will do something right to stop this roller coaster. But for the next two weeks if you see me & I’m not my normal, mainc self, just smile and say “Hey Scott! You’re roller coaster stuck in the bottom again?” At least I’ll know you read this! Who knows, that might just be the spark I need to get a little mania going!
Oh, btw… By my figures, Bipolar has now consumed the last 25 years of my life. From the time I was a Senior in high school until now. As soon as this roller coaster stops I’m getting off and making up a whole bunch of lost ground. I know that I know that I know Jesus is plotting new courses for me! I’m closing in on my first college degree! Praise God!
For once in my life I’m starting to hear and believe God when he tells me I’m not a failure!
Be Blessed!!!
BIG SCOTT
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