Communication is key in anything that you do. I’ve noticed that with today’s hectic, busy lifestyle sometimes people don’t communicate like they should. For those of us that have ADHD it’s just magnified over and over. One of the first coping strategies that I learned after my ADHD diagnosis is that I need to write everything down.
I’ve started making notes about a week before I have an appointment with one of the docs on my Care Team about problems I’m having and also too about what seems to be working. I also make notes on my symptoms. Then with about two or three days before those appointments I’ll pull all of my notes together and start trying to put everything on one sheet. On the night before my appointment I’ll write out one sheet using my computer so that when I go see my doc I can hand this sheet to either my doc or their nurse.
Using this method I’ve found that I can get more done in the twenty minutes that I’m normally allotted then I had got done in twice that time before. Not to mention I don’t have to try and remember everything that I want to talk about. In addition my docs have a sheet they can put in my file and look back on too. My docs love it and so do I! My wife is even impressed that I’m getting organized this well!
Just a quick little tidbit I thought that I’d throw out in hope that it may help someone!
Be Blessed!!!
BIG SCOTT
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Saturday, October 29, 2005
mIxEd sTaTeS
I have been buried deep in what’s known as a Mixed State the last two weeks or so. Mixed States happen when one is experiencing both manic episodes and depression at the same time. This is especially true with persons that are Bipolar II. Normally I am in a Mixed State about one quarter to one third of the time. Needless to say, one can feel very confused when one is in the Mixed States mode. A common feeling that I get when I am in the Mixed States mode being very jittery, on edge, but yet have low drive or ambition to do anything. It’s been a long time since I’ve been stuck in a Mixed State for so long.
I think I’m starting to drive my poor wife nuts. One minute I’ll be down and the next thing you know I have a manic attack and do something totally off of the wall. I guess the good news is that at least I’m having some manic time. My manic times can get pretty hilarious at times. Sometimes I feel like I’m caught in outtakes from the old Disney/Pixar movie “Monster’s Inc.”
I know the last two days my life would definitely have to be the Monster’s Inc. outtakes because it was way too wacky to make the final cut! In the mornings lately I’ve had a hard time getting enough energy & enthusiasm to get out of bed but yet during the day I’ll be bouncing around like a manic Scully. You remember Scully don’t you? Scully was that great big blue, lovable, huggable monster?
Lately I feel like, “Yup, that’s me! I'm sometimes scary, sometimes huggable, & sometimes laughable funny!” I guess the good news is that when my wife lets me out of the house I usually turn into that laughable monster. Lately, no one has been safe from my zany antics & humor.
My wife & I went to the bread store today. We no more then walked into the bread store and I ran into another Mr. Manic. I have never met this guy before in my life that I know of but he said something and I keyed off on him and it only took about 20 seconds and we had every poor person in that store just rolling in laughter. It was all our respective wives could do to separate us! I felt sorry for the poor gal that runs the bread store. She was bent over laughing so hard that I thought she was going to hurt herself.
Oh well, leave it to God to give you laughter to balance out the pain! Thank You Jesus for giving me a way to get through the pain. I do have a new prayer now though…
Dear Jesus, Please give everyone else a way to escape my manic comedy!
I feel better now!
Thank You Jesus!
Be Blessed!!!
BIG SCOTT
I think I’m starting to drive my poor wife nuts. One minute I’ll be down and the next thing you know I have a manic attack and do something totally off of the wall. I guess the good news is that at least I’m having some manic time. My manic times can get pretty hilarious at times. Sometimes I feel like I’m caught in outtakes from the old Disney/Pixar movie “Monster’s Inc.”
I know the last two days my life would definitely have to be the Monster’s Inc. outtakes because it was way too wacky to make the final cut! In the mornings lately I’ve had a hard time getting enough energy & enthusiasm to get out of bed but yet during the day I’ll be bouncing around like a manic Scully. You remember Scully don’t you? Scully was that great big blue, lovable, huggable monster?
Lately I feel like, “Yup, that’s me! I'm sometimes scary, sometimes huggable, & sometimes laughable funny!” I guess the good news is that when my wife lets me out of the house I usually turn into that laughable monster. Lately, no one has been safe from my zany antics & humor.
My wife & I went to the bread store today. We no more then walked into the bread store and I ran into another Mr. Manic. I have never met this guy before in my life that I know of but he said something and I keyed off on him and it only took about 20 seconds and we had every poor person in that store just rolling in laughter. It was all our respective wives could do to separate us! I felt sorry for the poor gal that runs the bread store. She was bent over laughing so hard that I thought she was going to hurt herself.
Oh well, leave it to God to give you laughter to balance out the pain! Thank You Jesus for giving me a way to get through the pain. I do have a new prayer now though…
Dear Jesus, Please give everyone else a way to escape my manic comedy!
I feel better now!
Thank You Jesus!
Be Blessed!!!
BIG SCOTT
Thursday, October 27, 2005
It's Fall!
Does anyone enjoy Fall as much as I do? Fall is such a beautiful time here in Kansas. With all of the awesome color in the trees in such it is hard not to just love this time of the year. The temps are not to hot and most of the time the temps are not that cold either. Pants & a sweater, you’re ready to enjoy Fall.
Here in Kansas we are so blessed by God! In the wide open Plains of Western Kansas Fall produces some of the most breathtaking sunrises and sunsets one will ever see! The super-huge, burnt orange fireball that we call the sun is spectacular this time of year whether it is early morning at sunrise of early evening at sunset. It’s a sight you’ll treasure in your heart all of your life.
If by chance you happen to be in South Central Kansas and can afford the gas, head east out of Wichita on US 400. About 45 miles east of Wichita you come to the little town of Beaumont. About one mile east of Beaumont you come upon what’s known as Beaumont Hill. Beaumont Hill is Kansas’ version of the Grand Canyon. Although no where near as big as the Grand Canyon, the view you get here is spectacular to say the least.
As you travel east through Beaumont Hill on US 400, the next 40 miles or so are breathtaking! From Beaumont to Fredonia US 400 is lined on both sides with hill after hill of Oak, Poplar, Walnut, & Cherry trees. The variation in this fall foliage is something I anxiously await every year! I should add that many sections of US 160 & US 166 in South Central & Southeast Kansas are just as spectacular with their own variation of Fall foliage!
If by chance you ever travel US 60/I-70 from Colorado to Missouri you’ll find a gradual transformation from the flat, wide open prairies in Western Kansas slowly giving way to gentle rolling hills by the time you get to I-135. From I-135 East the hills slowly become slightly more prevalent and the foliage thickens. By the time you get to Manhattan you have the opportunity to choose any number of scenic routes to continue your travels on eastward. If you time it right, you’ll pop up over the hills and you’ll see the lights of Kansas City sprawling out before you and the last vestige of sunlight fading over your shoulders.
Yes, we truly are blessed to live in such a beautiful state! It’s Fall in Kansas. Pick a direction, any direction. You won’t have to travel far and you’ll find some of the most breathtaking beauty you will ever find in this world! It’s a beautiful world out there right now, don’t miss it!!!
Be Blessed!!!
BIG SCOTT
Here in Kansas we are so blessed by God! In the wide open Plains of Western Kansas Fall produces some of the most breathtaking sunrises and sunsets one will ever see! The super-huge, burnt orange fireball that we call the sun is spectacular this time of year whether it is early morning at sunrise of early evening at sunset. It’s a sight you’ll treasure in your heart all of your life.
If by chance you happen to be in South Central Kansas and can afford the gas, head east out of Wichita on US 400. About 45 miles east of Wichita you come to the little town of Beaumont. About one mile east of Beaumont you come upon what’s known as Beaumont Hill. Beaumont Hill is Kansas’ version of the Grand Canyon. Although no where near as big as the Grand Canyon, the view you get here is spectacular to say the least.
As you travel east through Beaumont Hill on US 400, the next 40 miles or so are breathtaking! From Beaumont to Fredonia US 400 is lined on both sides with hill after hill of Oak, Poplar, Walnut, & Cherry trees. The variation in this fall foliage is something I anxiously await every year! I should add that many sections of US 160 & US 166 in South Central & Southeast Kansas are just as spectacular with their own variation of Fall foliage!
If by chance you ever travel US 60/I-70 from Colorado to Missouri you’ll find a gradual transformation from the flat, wide open prairies in Western Kansas slowly giving way to gentle rolling hills by the time you get to I-135. From I-135 East the hills slowly become slightly more prevalent and the foliage thickens. By the time you get to Manhattan you have the opportunity to choose any number of scenic routes to continue your travels on eastward. If you time it right, you’ll pop up over the hills and you’ll see the lights of Kansas City sprawling out before you and the last vestige of sunlight fading over your shoulders.
Yes, we truly are blessed to live in such a beautiful state! It’s Fall in Kansas. Pick a direction, any direction. You won’t have to travel far and you’ll find some of the most breathtaking beauty you will ever find in this world! It’s a beautiful world out there right now, don’t miss it!!!
Be Blessed!!!
BIG SCOTT
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Rosa Parks
One thing to keep in mind about Rosa Parks is that through her braveness and resolution to stand for what's right we all have a better nation with equality for all. Those of us with mental disorders owe Rosa Parks a great deal of gratitude. When Rosa Parks sparked the civil rights movement, the movement that ensued did much more then just bring forth equality for blacks. What Rosa Parks did was spark a movement for every person in the United States that are either a part of a minority or in fact have some form of disability.
Every movement towards equality has its roots deep in Alabama in the 1950’s. If Rosa Parks had not refused to give up her seat that day nearly fifty years ago, December 1st, 1955 in Montgomery, Alabama, the road to true equality and freedom in this country may have taken a great deal of time longer to start. Rosa Parks was the spark that lit a flame.
What Rosa Parks did moved a young Baptist preacher to move to action. That young Baptist preacher was the Reverend Martin Luther King. What the Reverend Martin Luther King did was to organize the Montgomery Bus Boycott. The Montgomery Bus Boycott spread throughout the nation and a year after Rosa Parks' refusal to give up her seat to a white man, the Supreme Court of the United States ruled that segregation on public transportation was indeed unconstitutional.
What happened after that landmark court ruling would take books and books to record. So many people have received so much more freedom due in part to what one black seamstress did that one fateful day in 1955. Through it all Rosa Parks remained very humble. What an incredible lady Rosa Parks was. Rosa Parks was a lady that so many people such as myself owe so very much too.
It’s a good thing that there is no conception of time in Heaven because I truly believe that there is going to be a long line of people waiting to say “Thanks” to Rosa Parks. I just thank God that He gave us Rosa Parks for 92 years.
Rosa Parks
1912-2005
Every movement towards equality has its roots deep in Alabama in the 1950’s. If Rosa Parks had not refused to give up her seat that day nearly fifty years ago, December 1st, 1955 in Montgomery, Alabama, the road to true equality and freedom in this country may have taken a great deal of time longer to start. Rosa Parks was the spark that lit a flame.
What Rosa Parks did moved a young Baptist preacher to move to action. That young Baptist preacher was the Reverend Martin Luther King. What the Reverend Martin Luther King did was to organize the Montgomery Bus Boycott. The Montgomery Bus Boycott spread throughout the nation and a year after Rosa Parks' refusal to give up her seat to a white man, the Supreme Court of the United States ruled that segregation on public transportation was indeed unconstitutional.
What happened after that landmark court ruling would take books and books to record. So many people have received so much more freedom due in part to what one black seamstress did that one fateful day in 1955. Through it all Rosa Parks remained very humble. What an incredible lady Rosa Parks was. Rosa Parks was a lady that so many people such as myself owe so very much too.
It’s a good thing that there is no conception of time in Heaven because I truly believe that there is going to be a long line of people waiting to say “Thanks” to Rosa Parks. I just thank God that He gave us Rosa Parks for 92 years.
Rosa Parks
1912-2005
Monday, October 24, 2005
Question & Answer About Porn
I just received these three questions:
“What is your view on porn? Is there anything wrong with it (porn)? Can someone be addicted (to porn)?"
Praise God these questions came my way! As one who has been down the porn road and now set free, I feel God has given me a unique perspective and insight to address this issue. Here is my reply I sent. This may come as a shock to some as you read through my reply but it is a reply that tells how I was set free and can set other captives free!
_______________________________________________
Porn can be and is VERY addictive. I was hooked on porn from the time I was about 14 up until about 9 months ago. Porn has destroyed so very much in my life I wouldn't know where to start. Being BPII w/ a very heavy manic side, I came very close several times to having a run in with the law. Why I never got in trouble with the law is beyond me. The only thing that I can think of that saved me from traveling down that terrible road was God.
I tried being a Christian, a husband, & a good father while hooked on porn. Where did it get me? I was kicked out of church, divorced, & separated from my kids. That's what porn does. It screws with your mind and your sense of reality.
What saved me from porn? God. Pure, plain, & simple! When I hit the end of my rope so to say and had nothing else to live for earlier this year I just simply gave up. My wife who divorced me in 1996 and remarried me in December of 1999 believing that somehow I still had some redeeming value in me and that I did indeed need to be the father that God has called me to be took me in to the local mental health crisis center early this year.
What happened was I was very close to suicide. I didn’t care. I had nothing to loose. I said “What the hell? Here’s what I’ve done. Here’s what I feel. And here’s what I’m taking (abusing).” I laid it all out. The porn addiction. The OTC speed addiction. The self mutilation addiction that was a result of the porn addiction. I threw it all out there just to show how screwed up I had gotten myself. I had the “Here, YOU deal with it” attitude!
Little did I know that what I was doing was the single most freeing thing that I could do. I dumped it all. I held nothing back. I told my P-doc, my talk doc, my Pastor, & I even told our family doc some of it. The one person that I expected that would be the most likely to give me the boot or explode all over me was the one that cared the most. That was our Pastor.
The care that our Pastor took to make sure I got treatment, to talk with me, to love on me, to lift me up when I got down was more then I could have ever imagined! The problem is that our Pastor has seen way too many men get caught in the snare, the trap of porn and have their whole lives ruined. Mine was ruined here too. The difference was our Pastor had an opportunity to be Jesus to me, to free me from the trap, the snare that had so entangled me.
Being BP has an absurdly, seriously, dangerous side. When you’re on the high, manic side of BP you’ll crave porn just like a crack addict craves crack. When you’re on the down, depression side of BP having the porn addiction is just more thing to come in and pound you down. With BP & porn there is no middle ground. That’s what makes porn so absurdly, seriously, dangerous.
My advice to anyone with a porn addiction, especially those that are BP, tell your P-doc, your talk-doc, your Pastor, a close friend, your spouse if you have one. Tell someone that is willing to help you beat this addiction. Beating this addiction is going to be just like beating an alcohol or drug addiction. Why do I say that? Because porn causes dopamine to be released in the brain causing a drug high that your body naturally produces.
Another problem with porn is that it is somewhat culturally accepted and it is pretty much legal. So is the OTC (over the counter) speed pills I was hooked on. So are cigarettes. So on and so forth. They will all kill you. Period! How will porn kill you? For starters if you get deep enough into porn, which is so very easy to do and you won’t know it until it’s too late, is that porn can lead to such severe depression that one may very well commit suicide or at least try.
The good news is that I found something to replace that high I was getting from porn. This is a high that is better then any high porn or drugs could ever give me. This high has no end. This high is not destructive. This high is in fact very good for you. This high has brought me a ton of healing. What is this high? This high is Jesus!
If you’re playing around with porn, STOP!!! If you can’t stop, you need help. Like I said earlier, get help! This is your life. Don’t loose it over porn!
I hope and pray that hits home with some!
Be Blessed!
BIG
“What is your view on porn? Is there anything wrong with it (porn)? Can someone be addicted (to porn)?"
Praise God these questions came my way! As one who has been down the porn road and now set free, I feel God has given me a unique perspective and insight to address this issue. Here is my reply I sent. This may come as a shock to some as you read through my reply but it is a reply that tells how I was set free and can set other captives free!
_______________________________________________
Porn can be and is VERY addictive. I was hooked on porn from the time I was about 14 up until about 9 months ago. Porn has destroyed so very much in my life I wouldn't know where to start. Being BPII w/ a very heavy manic side, I came very close several times to having a run in with the law. Why I never got in trouble with the law is beyond me. The only thing that I can think of that saved me from traveling down that terrible road was God.
I tried being a Christian, a husband, & a good father while hooked on porn. Where did it get me? I was kicked out of church, divorced, & separated from my kids. That's what porn does. It screws with your mind and your sense of reality.
What saved me from porn? God. Pure, plain, & simple! When I hit the end of my rope so to say and had nothing else to live for earlier this year I just simply gave up. My wife who divorced me in 1996 and remarried me in December of 1999 believing that somehow I still had some redeeming value in me and that I did indeed need to be the father that God has called me to be took me in to the local mental health crisis center early this year.
What happened was I was very close to suicide. I didn’t care. I had nothing to loose. I said “What the hell? Here’s what I’ve done. Here’s what I feel. And here’s what I’m taking (abusing).” I laid it all out. The porn addiction. The OTC speed addiction. The self mutilation addiction that was a result of the porn addiction. I threw it all out there just to show how screwed up I had gotten myself. I had the “Here, YOU deal with it” attitude!
Little did I know that what I was doing was the single most freeing thing that I could do. I dumped it all. I held nothing back. I told my P-doc, my talk doc, my Pastor, & I even told our family doc some of it. The one person that I expected that would be the most likely to give me the boot or explode all over me was the one that cared the most. That was our Pastor.
The care that our Pastor took to make sure I got treatment, to talk with me, to love on me, to lift me up when I got down was more then I could have ever imagined! The problem is that our Pastor has seen way too many men get caught in the snare, the trap of porn and have their whole lives ruined. Mine was ruined here too. The difference was our Pastor had an opportunity to be Jesus to me, to free me from the trap, the snare that had so entangled me.
Being BP has an absurdly, seriously, dangerous side. When you’re on the high, manic side of BP you’ll crave porn just like a crack addict craves crack. When you’re on the down, depression side of BP having the porn addiction is just more thing to come in and pound you down. With BP & porn there is no middle ground. That’s what makes porn so absurdly, seriously, dangerous.
My advice to anyone with a porn addiction, especially those that are BP, tell your P-doc, your talk-doc, your Pastor, a close friend, your spouse if you have one. Tell someone that is willing to help you beat this addiction. Beating this addiction is going to be just like beating an alcohol or drug addiction. Why do I say that? Because porn causes dopamine to be released in the brain causing a drug high that your body naturally produces.
Another problem with porn is that it is somewhat culturally accepted and it is pretty much legal. So is the OTC (over the counter) speed pills I was hooked on. So are cigarettes. So on and so forth. They will all kill you. Period! How will porn kill you? For starters if you get deep enough into porn, which is so very easy to do and you won’t know it until it’s too late, is that porn can lead to such severe depression that one may very well commit suicide or at least try.
The good news is that I found something to replace that high I was getting from porn. This is a high that is better then any high porn or drugs could ever give me. This high has no end. This high is not destructive. This high is in fact very good for you. This high has brought me a ton of healing. What is this high? This high is Jesus!
If you’re playing around with porn, STOP!!! If you can’t stop, you need help. Like I said earlier, get help! This is your life. Don’t loose it over porn!
I hope and pray that hits home with some!
Be Blessed!
BIG
Frustrating...
If I had to describe life using only one word I’d have to use the word “Frustrating.” As I chat online and talk with others in this world we call Bi-Polar Disorder I know I’m not alone. But for some reason I seriously doubt that those of us with a mental disorder are the only ones that would describe life this way. In fact we may have a couple of advantages. First, at least we’ve got an excuse! Second, most of us are already seeking treatment and therapy which means that at least we have someone to turn to in our times of distress.
I’ve just been frustrated lately with my job situation. Along with bipolar disorder I’m also ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). Being bipolar & ADHD means that even when I’m on the down swing of my bipolar, I’m still pretty hyper. This is what the doctors call a “mixed state.” On the flip side of this, when I’m on the upswing of my bipolar I can get totally manic and bouncing off the walls! This is where the Seroquel that I take really comes into play.
Seroquel is a huge blessing from God for not only me but my family and friends too as I can do a pretty decent job of staying under control. Even with Seoquel though I still sometimes still have a pretty hard time concentrating and paying attention to the details and being good at tasks that take a great deal of concentration. This has got me in trouble over and over again at work and cost me a bunch of good jobs. This is what probably cost me my last job and why I do get frustrated at times.
Fortunately my Pdoc and her nurse are monitoring me very closely and working with me and my talk doc to help me through this and to conquer this for the first time ever in my life. I’m getting better but I’m frustrated that I’m not there yet. I guess Jesus is teaching me patience as I wait on my healing.
I guess that I’m doubly blessed. I’ve got two places to turn to when things get to overwhelming and I get too frustrated. I am scheduled at least on bi-weekly bases to spend time with my counselor or therapist (Tdoc) if you will. But what do I do if I need someone to talk to in my moment of need? I have the advantage of having a loving and caring God to turn to! I know that Jesus is there for me 24/7/365!
Be bipolar I sometimes have times of great depression that are deeper then my meds can lift me up. It times like this that I know that I can find comfort in my Bible. I open my Bible, let the Holy Spirit lead me, and without fail, God speaks to me through his word and I am comforted. Likewise, when I’m manic, which is where I’m at most of the time, I know I can grab my headphones, tune in to Air1, and chill out with my Christian rock!
I’ve heard it said that if a person has to take meds on a long term basis such as I do that we’re just not trusting in Jesus for our healing. Hogwash! I have no choice other then to trust in Jesus. If it wasn’t for Jesus I’d be sunk because for me to have enough meds to keep me in control I’d literally be a zombie! All I can tell you is that Jesus chooses how to heal in his own special and unique way.
I’ve seen a bunch of people prayed over and healed. I’m one of them. In 1990 I crushed a disc in my lower back and two vertebrae grew together. In 1997 I had a set of lower back x-rays from the same doc that shot my x-rays seven years earlier. That doctor thought for sure that he had the wrong set of x-rays in 1997 when he found that the two vertebrae were no longer fused and the disc had grown back. My doctor told me he had never seen that happen before and he had been in practice close to forty years!
Sometime Jesus chooses to bring comfort. I was born with a mild case of spina-bifida. I’ve got three vertebrae in my lower back that never quite grew together. Two of these were the ones that had the crushed disc between them and were healed. Jesus chose to heal the vertebrae but not the spina-bifida. Why? I don’t have a clue. All I know is that I have to trust Jesus on a daily basis to bring me comfort in my back.
Other times I see Jesus work through doctors. The apostle Luke was a physician. This is what I know that Jesus has chosen to do for me in the case of my bipolar disorder. I am receiving treatment both from doctors and from Jesus’ Holy Spirit. That’s what I talked about earlier. Through the doctors I get my meds which smoothes out the highs and the lows, or should I say makes the roller coaster ride not so wild! Then along with that I get the ministering of God’s Holy Spirit that really keeps me going along in as normal a matter as I could ever hope for.
I know that Jesus put doctors on this earth to help us physically. I believe that doctors are another tool for Jesus to use in his healing of us. Unfortunately, there is sin in this world that prevents God’s perfect will from taking place. That won’t happen until the end as is talked about in Revelation 20 & 21. But until that time I can keep trusting in and receiving my healing from Jesus, however Jesus chooses to bring me my healing.
Having to face my diagnosis alone without Jesus is a very scary thought! It’s a thought that I praise Jesus that I don’t have to face! I have a loving and caring Savior, who is my Father in Heaven. I love my Father and my Father loves me. I know my Father wants the best for me, his child. Knowing that, no matter what else happens, I am blessed!
I hope you’re blessed too!
Oh… Now that you mention it, I’m a little less frustrated now that I think about it!
As Always…
Be Blessed!
BIG SCOTT
P.S. Happy 4? Birthday To My Loving Wife Pam!!!
I’ve just been frustrated lately with my job situation. Along with bipolar disorder I’m also ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). Being bipolar & ADHD means that even when I’m on the down swing of my bipolar, I’m still pretty hyper. This is what the doctors call a “mixed state.” On the flip side of this, when I’m on the upswing of my bipolar I can get totally manic and bouncing off the walls! This is where the Seroquel that I take really comes into play.
Seroquel is a huge blessing from God for not only me but my family and friends too as I can do a pretty decent job of staying under control. Even with Seoquel though I still sometimes still have a pretty hard time concentrating and paying attention to the details and being good at tasks that take a great deal of concentration. This has got me in trouble over and over again at work and cost me a bunch of good jobs. This is what probably cost me my last job and why I do get frustrated at times.
Fortunately my Pdoc and her nurse are monitoring me very closely and working with me and my talk doc to help me through this and to conquer this for the first time ever in my life. I’m getting better but I’m frustrated that I’m not there yet. I guess Jesus is teaching me patience as I wait on my healing.
I guess that I’m doubly blessed. I’ve got two places to turn to when things get to overwhelming and I get too frustrated. I am scheduled at least on bi-weekly bases to spend time with my counselor or therapist (Tdoc) if you will. But what do I do if I need someone to talk to in my moment of need? I have the advantage of having a loving and caring God to turn to! I know that Jesus is there for me 24/7/365!
Be bipolar I sometimes have times of great depression that are deeper then my meds can lift me up. It times like this that I know that I can find comfort in my Bible. I open my Bible, let the Holy Spirit lead me, and without fail, God speaks to me through his word and I am comforted. Likewise, when I’m manic, which is where I’m at most of the time, I know I can grab my headphones, tune in to Air1, and chill out with my Christian rock!
I’ve heard it said that if a person has to take meds on a long term basis such as I do that we’re just not trusting in Jesus for our healing. Hogwash! I have no choice other then to trust in Jesus. If it wasn’t for Jesus I’d be sunk because for me to have enough meds to keep me in control I’d literally be a zombie! All I can tell you is that Jesus chooses how to heal in his own special and unique way.
I’ve seen a bunch of people prayed over and healed. I’m one of them. In 1990 I crushed a disc in my lower back and two vertebrae grew together. In 1997 I had a set of lower back x-rays from the same doc that shot my x-rays seven years earlier. That doctor thought for sure that he had the wrong set of x-rays in 1997 when he found that the two vertebrae were no longer fused and the disc had grown back. My doctor told me he had never seen that happen before and he had been in practice close to forty years!
Sometime Jesus chooses to bring comfort. I was born with a mild case of spina-bifida. I’ve got three vertebrae in my lower back that never quite grew together. Two of these were the ones that had the crushed disc between them and were healed. Jesus chose to heal the vertebrae but not the spina-bifida. Why? I don’t have a clue. All I know is that I have to trust Jesus on a daily basis to bring me comfort in my back.
Other times I see Jesus work through doctors. The apostle Luke was a physician. This is what I know that Jesus has chosen to do for me in the case of my bipolar disorder. I am receiving treatment both from doctors and from Jesus’ Holy Spirit. That’s what I talked about earlier. Through the doctors I get my meds which smoothes out the highs and the lows, or should I say makes the roller coaster ride not so wild! Then along with that I get the ministering of God’s Holy Spirit that really keeps me going along in as normal a matter as I could ever hope for.
I know that Jesus put doctors on this earth to help us physically. I believe that doctors are another tool for Jesus to use in his healing of us. Unfortunately, there is sin in this world that prevents God’s perfect will from taking place. That won’t happen until the end as is talked about in Revelation 20 & 21. But until that time I can keep trusting in and receiving my healing from Jesus, however Jesus chooses to bring me my healing.
Having to face my diagnosis alone without Jesus is a very scary thought! It’s a thought that I praise Jesus that I don’t have to face! I have a loving and caring Savior, who is my Father in Heaven. I love my Father and my Father loves me. I know my Father wants the best for me, his child. Knowing that, no matter what else happens, I am blessed!
I hope you’re blessed too!
Oh… Now that you mention it, I’m a little less frustrated now that I think about it!
As Always…
Be Blessed!
BIG SCOTT
P.S. Happy 4? Birthday To My Loving Wife Pam!!!
Saturday, October 22, 2005
I feel the need...
I feel the need… The need to blog! Sorry to use your line like that Mr. Cruise. I hope it doesn’t upset you TOO much! Oh btw… While you’re getting upset with me I might as well throw in that I DO believe in a REAL GOD, that my mental disorder is real, that there is REAL treatment for me in both medications & therapy and with the help of GOD plus my doctors & treatment team I will continue to improve. I also believe that if I follow the path GOD has set before me that includes my treatment team, and not go the way of some “dienetics practitioner” that I will beat my disorder! I very well may have this disorder the rest of my life. I’ve made it almost 43 years with it now and by following GOD’S plan, I expect the next 43 to be a whole bunch better!
WOW!!! That really felt good to say that!!! I mean REALLY, REALLY GOOD!!!
When facing a live altering diagnosis such as Bi-Polar Disorder why do I get so positive about the future? It’s because I know how hard I’ve fought in the past, especially the past ten years without any support from anyone other then a few close friends and my pastors. It’s because I can see how far I’ve come just this year since my diagnosis. It’s looking back at how far I made it with my disorders in place and for how long I’ve had this disorder.
My lifelong friends tell me I’ve had it since at least the sixth or seventh grade. Knowing that I’ve made it just to the start of this year when my treatment actually started tells me that if I can keep at least some of that fight alive that I used for the past 30+ years that I’ve got a pretty bright future! Jeremiah 29:11 says: For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
I know that there are many, many people out there traveling this same road of mental disorder that I’m on. There are some that find this road to be a little bit smoother then I’m finding it and for that I give God praise. But there are far, far more people out there traveling this road with me that find this road to be a great deal rougher then I’m finding it. It’s to this group of weary travelers that I reach out my hand. To offer unto these what I have that helps smooth out my road.
Who goes out before me to smooth my way? None other then Jesus himself! Jesus speaks to us in Matthew 11:28-30 saying: "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light." This is so incredibly true!
Tonight, I was having some problems figuring out just what it is that really do need to do since I lost my job almost two weeks ago. Finally I made myself a big cup of hot mint tea, ran a nice big hot bath, my loving wife brought in a candle and turned out the lights, and then I put my headphones on with some really great Christian music. I was in this mode for a little over an hour until I wiped out all of hot water.
Slipping away like I did meant that I got to spend quite a bit of time on a Saturday night with my Father (God)! It was just Father & I. No one else! I laid there and told my Father what I was feeling and what my problems were. I then listened and my Father just ministered to me and spoke to my heart. I now have a direction in which way to go. I know where to start. I need to do this more often!
If you’re traveling down life’s road and it’s getting to rough for you might I suggest going to Jesus and ask Jesus to lead you so that you too can find a smoother, gentler road to travel? The prospect of having to travel life’s road, especially if that road is taken up with a mental disorder, without the hand of Jesus to guide me is just too scary for me. I know that I’ve got a disorder, that I’ve got problems, and that I can’t make it on my own.
This is from the heart tonight. I hope and pray that somehow a piece of my heart has reached out and touched your heart. I hope and pray that this blog leads you to think about where you’re at. I hope that I can help someone have a better life through Jesus!If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to click on my picture on the top right, then click on my email link on the page that opens up & send me your thoughts or questions. I’d love to hear from you! If you have any prayer requests let me know! Not only will I pray for you but I’ll also submit your prayer request to our church’s prayer team. Don’t worry, everything will be kept confidential!
Be Blessed!!!
BIG SCOTT
WOW!!! That really felt good to say that!!! I mean REALLY, REALLY GOOD!!!
When facing a live altering diagnosis such as Bi-Polar Disorder why do I get so positive about the future? It’s because I know how hard I’ve fought in the past, especially the past ten years without any support from anyone other then a few close friends and my pastors. It’s because I can see how far I’ve come just this year since my diagnosis. It’s looking back at how far I made it with my disorders in place and for how long I’ve had this disorder.
My lifelong friends tell me I’ve had it since at least the sixth or seventh grade. Knowing that I’ve made it just to the start of this year when my treatment actually started tells me that if I can keep at least some of that fight alive that I used for the past 30+ years that I’ve got a pretty bright future! Jeremiah 29:11 says: For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
I know that there are many, many people out there traveling this same road of mental disorder that I’m on. There are some that find this road to be a little bit smoother then I’m finding it and for that I give God praise. But there are far, far more people out there traveling this road with me that find this road to be a great deal rougher then I’m finding it. It’s to this group of weary travelers that I reach out my hand. To offer unto these what I have that helps smooth out my road.
Who goes out before me to smooth my way? None other then Jesus himself! Jesus speaks to us in Matthew 11:28-30 saying: "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light." This is so incredibly true!
Tonight, I was having some problems figuring out just what it is that really do need to do since I lost my job almost two weeks ago. Finally I made myself a big cup of hot mint tea, ran a nice big hot bath, my loving wife brought in a candle and turned out the lights, and then I put my headphones on with some really great Christian music. I was in this mode for a little over an hour until I wiped out all of hot water.
Slipping away like I did meant that I got to spend quite a bit of time on a Saturday night with my Father (God)! It was just Father & I. No one else! I laid there and told my Father what I was feeling and what my problems were. I then listened and my Father just ministered to me and spoke to my heart. I now have a direction in which way to go. I know where to start. I need to do this more often!
If you’re traveling down life’s road and it’s getting to rough for you might I suggest going to Jesus and ask Jesus to lead you so that you too can find a smoother, gentler road to travel? The prospect of having to travel life’s road, especially if that road is taken up with a mental disorder, without the hand of Jesus to guide me is just too scary for me. I know that I’ve got a disorder, that I’ve got problems, and that I can’t make it on my own.
This is from the heart tonight. I hope and pray that somehow a piece of my heart has reached out and touched your heart. I hope and pray that this blog leads you to think about where you’re at. I hope that I can help someone have a better life through Jesus!If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to click on my picture on the top right, then click on my email link on the page that opens up & send me your thoughts or questions. I’d love to hear from you! If you have any prayer requests let me know! Not only will I pray for you but I’ll also submit your prayer request to our church’s prayer team. Don’t worry, everything will be kept confidential!
Be Blessed!!!
BIG SCOTT
nOrMaL???
I’ve just been chatting on line with some of the people from my world of Bi-Polarism today. It’s amazing some of the different things that we hear about our disorders. One gal said that her Dad asks her "how’s the Polar Bear thing coming?" It’s her Dad’s little way of letting her know that he care’s about what going on with his daughter. I liked that one quite a bit.
Then on the other side of the coin I was chatting with another BP person who’s Mother will not give this person any peace. It seems Mom calls up when she’s having mood swings and fits of anguish. Mom has to call up and take it out on her twenty-something BP child. Mom has the attitude of “why can’t her child be normal like her?” I have to agree with some of my fellow BP’ers. If people like Mom are normal, we’re glad we’re not normal like them!
I’ve been reading and studying a great deal on Bi-Polar Disorder. It seems that Bi-Polar Disorder is the one Mental Disorder that has the most distinct physical link. Bi-Polar Disorder has a definite genetic link. Invariably, if a person is BP, you will find someone in that person’s family who also is BP in some form or another. This person may be a parent, aunt, uncle, or grandparent. It will show up somewhere in that person's family tree if you look hard enough.
Here’s an interesting side note. I’m doing some research of people in the Bible that had a mental illness. This is really kind of fascinating. Some of the greatest people in the Bible, such as King David, had some type of mental illness. King David at times had to fight off some serious duty depression. The kind of depression that King David had to fight off, especially the depression he talks about in some of the Psalms is the depression today that many people take anti-depressants for. I’ll write more about this later.
The reason I wrote that last paragraph was to help illustrate that those that one would think to be “normal” may indeed have mental issues. Add to that the first paragraph where one thinks that they too are “normal” and things can get kind of cloudy when you think about who really is “normal.”
Does this make any sense? Do you consider yourself “normal”? Please keep in mind then that those of us who actually admit and seek help for our mental disorders may actually be more normal then some of the people we see every day. At least we’re normal enough to admit we’ve got a problem and get help!
Oh, btw, Happy 40th Birthday, a day late to “Extreme Home Makeover’s” Ty Pennington! Ty is ADHD, which to anyone who watches “Extreme Home Makeover” would pretty much agree with! Ty is on ADHD meds and is an ADHD spokesperson for Shire Pharmaceuticals and their ADHD meds.
Be Blessed!
Big Scott
Then on the other side of the coin I was chatting with another BP person who’s Mother will not give this person any peace. It seems Mom calls up when she’s having mood swings and fits of anguish. Mom has to call up and take it out on her twenty-something BP child. Mom has the attitude of “why can’t her child be normal like her?” I have to agree with some of my fellow BP’ers. If people like Mom are normal, we’re glad we’re not normal like them!
I’ve been reading and studying a great deal on Bi-Polar Disorder. It seems that Bi-Polar Disorder is the one Mental Disorder that has the most distinct physical link. Bi-Polar Disorder has a definite genetic link. Invariably, if a person is BP, you will find someone in that person’s family who also is BP in some form or another. This person may be a parent, aunt, uncle, or grandparent. It will show up somewhere in that person's family tree if you look hard enough.
Here’s an interesting side note. I’m doing some research of people in the Bible that had a mental illness. This is really kind of fascinating. Some of the greatest people in the Bible, such as King David, had some type of mental illness. King David at times had to fight off some serious duty depression. The kind of depression that King David had to fight off, especially the depression he talks about in some of the Psalms is the depression today that many people take anti-depressants for. I’ll write more about this later.
The reason I wrote that last paragraph was to help illustrate that those that one would think to be “normal” may indeed have mental issues. Add to that the first paragraph where one thinks that they too are “normal” and things can get kind of cloudy when you think about who really is “normal.”
Does this make any sense? Do you consider yourself “normal”? Please keep in mind then that those of us who actually admit and seek help for our mental disorders may actually be more normal then some of the people we see every day. At least we’re normal enough to admit we’ve got a problem and get help!
Oh, btw, Happy 40th Birthday, a day late to “Extreme Home Makeover’s” Ty Pennington! Ty is ADHD, which to anyone who watches “Extreme Home Makeover” would pretty much agree with! Ty is on ADHD meds and is an ADHD spokesperson for Shire Pharmaceuticals and their ADHD meds.
Be Blessed!
Big Scott
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Terminology
It just hit me that as I write I sometimes use abbreviations or nicknames if you will to make my writing a little shorter and a little less stressful. I've picked most of these up from the Depression & Bi-Polar Support Association (DBSA-There's my 1st one!) bulletin/chat board. Here's a list of of who's who I just kyped from the Depakote website & added a little bit to, too. I hope it helps you understand our world a little bit better!
In our world we have a treatment team that may include some or all of the following members:
Our Psychiatrist: (P-Doc)
A psychiatrist is a doctor who diagnoses and treats brain disorders. A psychiatrist prescribes medication and may also provide psychosocial therapy.
Our Psychologist: (Talk Doc or T-Doc)
A psychologist provides therapy for psychological and emotional issues. A psychologist may also specialize in areas such as marriage or family counseling, behavioral therapy, and stress management.
Our Psychiatric nurse: (P-Nurse)
A psychiatric nurse helps people with bipolar disorder manage their physical and emotional health and is available to answer questions about medication and treatment.
Here's the other member's of our team that we normally don't abbreviate for:
Our Social Worker:
A social worker provides therapy and/or helps you access and coordinate the healthcare and social services that you may need.
Our Nutritionist/Dietitian:
A nutritionist or dietician helps you make healthy food choices by teaching you how to plan healthy meals and maintain healthy eating habits.
Our Pharmacist:
A pharmacist helps monitor the medication that your psychiatrist prescribes. A pharmacist can also answer questions about your medications and their side effects.
Keep in mind that not everyone has every one of these team members in place on their team for various reasons such as don't need all of them, $$$, or other reasons.
Hope this helps!!!
Be Blessed!!!
Big Scott
In our world we have a treatment team that may include some or all of the following members:
Our Psychiatrist: (P-Doc)
A psychiatrist is a doctor who diagnoses and treats brain disorders. A psychiatrist prescribes medication and may also provide psychosocial therapy.
Our Psychologist: (Talk Doc or T-Doc)
A psychologist provides therapy for psychological and emotional issues. A psychologist may also specialize in areas such as marriage or family counseling, behavioral therapy, and stress management.
Our Psychiatric nurse: (P-Nurse)
A psychiatric nurse helps people with bipolar disorder manage their physical and emotional health and is available to answer questions about medication and treatment.
Here's the other member's of our team that we normally don't abbreviate for:
Our Social Worker:
A social worker provides therapy and/or helps you access and coordinate the healthcare and social services that you may need.
Our Nutritionist/Dietitian:
A nutritionist or dietician helps you make healthy food choices by teaching you how to plan healthy meals and maintain healthy eating habits.
Our Pharmacist:
A pharmacist helps monitor the medication that your psychiatrist prescribes. A pharmacist can also answer questions about your medications and their side effects.
Keep in mind that not everyone has every one of these team members in place on their team for various reasons such as don't need all of them, $$$, or other reasons.
Hope this helps!!!
Be Blessed!!!
Big Scott
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
B-U-M-M-E-R ! ! !
I've been so terribly bummed out today and feeling beat down. Man, have I been under attack! It's not just me, it's my wife too! The dragon--that old serpent, the Devil, Satan(a) has been hammering on us this week! I should have seen it coming though as this week and most of last week I've been led by the Holy Spirit to read over & over again Revelation 20 & 21.
In Revelation 20 & 21 we get to see the end. In the end Jesus wins and so does those us who are called by his name and receive him in our hearts, repent, and proclaim as our Savior. You would think that when God has me reading something like that I should know by now that an attack is on the way. Maybe one of these days I’ll get the HINT!
So why are we under so much attack? I would say it’s pretty simple. This coming Sunday at Word of Life Church here in Wichita, Pam & I are renewing our vows. It’s going to be a real short & sweet only taking about ten minutes or so BUT the ministry that will pour out on those that are there through what God brings forth in testimony and then in Word from Pastor Rob will be just awesome! I am excited for what God is doing!
Couple of notes here…
I’m still working on getting my ADHD under control so I don’t get over hyper under pressure and mess up.
We’re also still working on slowing down the cycling of my Bi-Polar disorder. The good news is that highs aren’t quite as high or long and the lows aren’t as low and long as they used to be. The bad news is that one of my new meds, Geodon, is not agreeing with me very well.
I’ll post more as the week goes along about this weekend. Knowing me, it ought to be a HOOT!
Be Blessed!!!
Big Scott
(a)Revelation 20:2
In Revelation 20 & 21 we get to see the end. In the end Jesus wins and so does those us who are called by his name and receive him in our hearts, repent, and proclaim as our Savior. You would think that when God has me reading something like that I should know by now that an attack is on the way. Maybe one of these days I’ll get the HINT!
So why are we under so much attack? I would say it’s pretty simple. This coming Sunday at Word of Life Church here in Wichita, Pam & I are renewing our vows. It’s going to be a real short & sweet only taking about ten minutes or so BUT the ministry that will pour out on those that are there through what God brings forth in testimony and then in Word from Pastor Rob will be just awesome! I am excited for what God is doing!
Couple of notes here…
I’m still working on getting my ADHD under control so I don’t get over hyper under pressure and mess up.
We’re also still working on slowing down the cycling of my Bi-Polar disorder. The good news is that highs aren’t quite as high or long and the lows aren’t as low and long as they used to be. The bad news is that one of my new meds, Geodon, is not agreeing with me very well.
I’ll post more as the week goes along about this weekend. Knowing me, it ought to be a HOOT!
Be Blessed!!!
Big Scott
(a)Revelation 20:2
Saturday, October 15, 2005
N-E-R-V-O-U-S ! ! !
Why is it so easy to stand up and tell the other whole wide world that you should just "Trust in God" but when it's your neck on the line all of a sudden it's not so easy. So many times I've prayed with people and reminded them of what Jesus said in Matthew 25-27 "So I tell you, don't worry about everyday life--whether you have enough food, drink, and clothes. Doesn't life consist of more than food and clothing? Look at the birds. They don't need to plant or harvest or put food in barns because your heavenly Father feeds them. And you are far more valuable to him than they are. Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Of course not."
I guess that I now have to add that to another one of those "Christian Cop-Outs" right up there with "I'll pray about it" or "It's not my calling". Why do I say that? This past week and up through this weekend my wife and I have been faced with a major decision. This decision is one that will invariably affect our lives from here on out.
A week ago last Thursday I was involved in a major accident (crash) at work. I'd been driving truck for about three months as part of my duties running the Wichita operations for a mid-size truck line. I had a mechanical failure in the tractor part of the tractor/trailer rig that I was driving. This mechanical failure caused my trailer to become separated from the tractor which in turn destroyed the trailer and shut down North Mead Street here in Wichita for about three hours while the wreckers and a haz-mat team cleaned up my mess. This last Tuesday my employers insurance company ignored my 3/4 million miles accident & violation free achievement and told my employer they were not going to insure me. My employer called me up, apologized to me, and let me go. I will say that I did respect the way that my employers Safety Director handled this situation. I beleive that the Safety Director is a good and Godly man and that made an unpleasant task for the two of us a little less unpleasant. For once it was nice to NOT be lied to!
This is where the "Trusting God" part comes into play. I have many, many times regretted not finishing college. Monday the second half of the fall semester starts. I have my financial aid in place. I am enrolled already for this fall. All I need to do is go in Monday morning and switch my classes around and start Monday afternoon. I even have gone so far as to sign up for special assistance for help in dealing with my ADHD in college. Yes, I too was amazed that there was special help for students with disorders such as mine.
Understanding and special assistance for students with special needs such as the ones I have where I'm facing having to deal with not only my ADHD but also my Bi-Polar disorder was never even thought of much less in place when I was in college the first time back in the mid 80's. Yes, the doors of education are wide open for me. I even have a letter of recommendation from a major Real Estate Broker here in Wichita to assist me in to getting the "Real Estate Entrepreneurial Program" that I want to get into at Wichita State.
I'm facing making the decision of do I walk through the wide open doors in front of me where I even have people waiting for me offering me a helping hand and put all of our dreams and hopes on hold & fight to make our budget balance for the next 2-3 years? Or do I stay with truck driving, paying our bills, getting by OK, but yet worrying about when the next calamity will come? My wife Pam says she is for me going to college. What a wife!
How much faith do I really have? Wow, what a question! I don't know about you but it's been a long time since God has sent me a faith test of this magnitude. Do I have enough faith to carry my family through 2-3 years of lean times so that I don't have to fight the trucking battle for the rest of my life and I can provide a much better income level for my family? Do I have enough faith to allow God to put people in my life to carry me through when I'm struggling in college with my ADHD? Do I have enough faith in myself that I will follow God's lead? Faith, Faith, Faith. How much Faith do I really have? I have about 36 hours to decide how much faith I really have.
I've decided either way Proverbs 30:7-9 should be my life’s desire. "O God, I beg two favors from you before I die. First, help me never to tell a lie. Second, give me neither poverty nor riches! Give me just enough to satisfy my needs. For if I grow rich, I may deny you and say, "Who is the LORD?" And if I am too poor, I may steal and thus insult God's holy name."
If you get a second, you might say a little prayer for me so that God will show me just how much faith I really do have!
Be Blessed!
Big Scott
I guess that I now have to add that to another one of those "Christian Cop-Outs" right up there with "I'll pray about it" or "It's not my calling". Why do I say that? This past week and up through this weekend my wife and I have been faced with a major decision. This decision is one that will invariably affect our lives from here on out.
A week ago last Thursday I was involved in a major accident (crash) at work. I'd been driving truck for about three months as part of my duties running the Wichita operations for a mid-size truck line. I had a mechanical failure in the tractor part of the tractor/trailer rig that I was driving. This mechanical failure caused my trailer to become separated from the tractor which in turn destroyed the trailer and shut down North Mead Street here in Wichita for about three hours while the wreckers and a haz-mat team cleaned up my mess. This last Tuesday my employers insurance company ignored my 3/4 million miles accident & violation free achievement and told my employer they were not going to insure me. My employer called me up, apologized to me, and let me go. I will say that I did respect the way that my employers Safety Director handled this situation. I beleive that the Safety Director is a good and Godly man and that made an unpleasant task for the two of us a little less unpleasant. For once it was nice to NOT be lied to!
This is where the "Trusting God" part comes into play. I have many, many times regretted not finishing college. Monday the second half of the fall semester starts. I have my financial aid in place. I am enrolled already for this fall. All I need to do is go in Monday morning and switch my classes around and start Monday afternoon. I even have gone so far as to sign up for special assistance for help in dealing with my ADHD in college. Yes, I too was amazed that there was special help for students with disorders such as mine.
Understanding and special assistance for students with special needs such as the ones I have where I'm facing having to deal with not only my ADHD but also my Bi-Polar disorder was never even thought of much less in place when I was in college the first time back in the mid 80's. Yes, the doors of education are wide open for me. I even have a letter of recommendation from a major Real Estate Broker here in Wichita to assist me in to getting the "Real Estate Entrepreneurial Program" that I want to get into at Wichita State.
I'm facing making the decision of do I walk through the wide open doors in front of me where I even have people waiting for me offering me a helping hand and put all of our dreams and hopes on hold & fight to make our budget balance for the next 2-3 years? Or do I stay with truck driving, paying our bills, getting by OK, but yet worrying about when the next calamity will come? My wife Pam says she is for me going to college. What a wife!
How much faith do I really have? Wow, what a question! I don't know about you but it's been a long time since God has sent me a faith test of this magnitude. Do I have enough faith to carry my family through 2-3 years of lean times so that I don't have to fight the trucking battle for the rest of my life and I can provide a much better income level for my family? Do I have enough faith to allow God to put people in my life to carry me through when I'm struggling in college with my ADHD? Do I have enough faith in myself that I will follow God's lead? Faith, Faith, Faith. How much Faith do I really have? I have about 36 hours to decide how much faith I really have.
I've decided either way Proverbs 30:7-9 should be my life’s desire. "O God, I beg two favors from you before I die. First, help me never to tell a lie. Second, give me neither poverty nor riches! Give me just enough to satisfy my needs. For if I grow rich, I may deny you and say, "Who is the LORD?" And if I am too poor, I may steal and thus insult God's holy name."
If you get a second, you might say a little prayer for me so that God will show me just how much faith I really do have!
Be Blessed!
Big Scott
Friday, October 14, 2005
Backstabbing
I for one can tell you what it's like to be backstabbed over and over again. I've been stabbed in the back by people who one would least expect it from. I've also been stabbed in the back by some of the best backstabbers that there is. I suspect being Bi-Polar & Manic most of the time has left me open to being stabbed in the back a whole bunch. It's kind of hard to watch your back when your on a Manic trip.
I know that there are many, many others like me out there that have been stabbed in the back over and over again. As I was lying in bed this evening I felt God wanting me to go through the book of Proverbs & see what God has to say about those that stab others in the back. I hope & pray as you read this you too see a pattern develop and I hope it helps in some small way.
Be Blessed with what I've found!
Big Scott
Proverbs 3
33The curse of the LORD is on the house of the wicked, but his blessing is on the home of the upright.
34The LORD mocks at mockers, but he shows favor to the humble.
35The wise inherit honor, but fools are put to shame!
Proverbs 6
12Here is a description of worthless and wicked people: They are constant liars, 13signaling their true intentions to their friends by making signs with their eyes and feet and fingers. 14Their perverted hearts plot evil. They stir up trouble constantly. 15But they will be destroyed suddenly, broken beyond all hope of healing.
Proverbs 9
7Anyone who rebukes a mocker will get a smart retort. Anyone who rebukes the wicked will get hurt.
8So don't bother rebuking mockers; they will only hate you.
Proverbs 10
6The godly are showered with blessings; evil people cover up their harmful intentions.
7We all have happy memories of the godly, but the name of a wicked person rots away.
8The wise are glad to be instructed, but babbling fools fall flat on their faces.
9People with integrity have firm footing, but those who follow crooked paths will slip and fall.
11The words of the godly lead to life; evil people cover up their harmful intentions.
23Doing wrong is fun for a fool, while wise conduct is a pleasure to the wise.
24The fears of the wicked will all come true; so will the hopes of the godly.
29The LORD protects the upright but destroys the wicked.
30The godly will never be disturbed, but the wicked will be removed from the land.
31The godly person gives wise advice, but the tongue that deceives will be cut off.
32The godly speak words that are helpful, but the wicked speak only what is corrupt.
Proverbs 11
1 The LORD hates cheating, but he delights in honesty.
5The godly are directed by their honesty; the wicked fall beneath their load of sin.
6The godliness of good people rescues them; the ambition of treacherous people traps them.
7When the wicked die, their hopes all perish, for they rely on their own feeble strength.
8God rescues the godly from danger, but he lets the wicked fall into trouble.
20The LORD hates people with twisted hearts, but he delights in those who have integrity.
21You can be sure that evil people will be punished, but the children of the godly will go free.
27If you search for good, you will find favor; but if you search for evil, it will find you!
Proverbs 12
3Wickedness never brings stability; only the godly have deep roots.
6The words of the wicked are like a murderous ambush, but the words of the godly save lives.
7The wicked perish and are gone, but the children of the godly stand firm.
13The wicked are trapped by their own words, but the godly escape such trouble.
16A fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted.
18Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.
19Truth stands the test of time; lies are soon exposed.
20Deceit fills hearts that are plotting evil; joy fills hearts that are planning peace!
21No real harm befalls the godly, but the wicked have their fill of trouble.
28The way of the godly leads to life; their path does not lead to death.
Proverbs 13
5Those who are godly hate lies; the wicked come to shame and disgrace.
6Godliness helps people all through life, while the evil are destroyed by their wickedness.
Proverbs 14
11The house of the wicked will perish, but the tent of the godly will flourish.
32The wicked are crushed by their sins, but the godly have a refuge when they die.
Proverbs 15
3The LORD is watching everywhere, keeping his eye on both the evil and the good.
9The LORD despises the way of the wicked, but he loves those who pursue godliness.
Proverbs 17
9The LORD despises the way of the wicked, but he loves those who pursue godliness.
Proverbs 19
9A false witness will not go unpunished, and a liar will be destroyed.
Proverbs 24
17Do not rejoice when your enemies fall into trouble. Don't be happy when they stumble.
18For the LORD will be displeased with you and will turn his anger away from them.
I know that there are many, many others like me out there that have been stabbed in the back over and over again. As I was lying in bed this evening I felt God wanting me to go through the book of Proverbs & see what God has to say about those that stab others in the back. I hope & pray as you read this you too see a pattern develop and I hope it helps in some small way.
Be Blessed with what I've found!
Big Scott
Proverbs 3
33The curse of the LORD is on the house of the wicked, but his blessing is on the home of the upright.
34The LORD mocks at mockers, but he shows favor to the humble.
35The wise inherit honor, but fools are put to shame!
Proverbs 6
12Here is a description of worthless and wicked people: They are constant liars, 13signaling their true intentions to their friends by making signs with their eyes and feet and fingers. 14Their perverted hearts plot evil. They stir up trouble constantly. 15But they will be destroyed suddenly, broken beyond all hope of healing.
Proverbs 9
7Anyone who rebukes a mocker will get a smart retort. Anyone who rebukes the wicked will get hurt.
8So don't bother rebuking mockers; they will only hate you.
Proverbs 10
6The godly are showered with blessings; evil people cover up their harmful intentions.
7We all have happy memories of the godly, but the name of a wicked person rots away.
8The wise are glad to be instructed, but babbling fools fall flat on their faces.
9People with integrity have firm footing, but those who follow crooked paths will slip and fall.
11The words of the godly lead to life; evil people cover up their harmful intentions.
23Doing wrong is fun for a fool, while wise conduct is a pleasure to the wise.
24The fears of the wicked will all come true; so will the hopes of the godly.
29The LORD protects the upright but destroys the wicked.
30The godly will never be disturbed, but the wicked will be removed from the land.
31The godly person gives wise advice, but the tongue that deceives will be cut off.
32The godly speak words that are helpful, but the wicked speak only what is corrupt.
Proverbs 11
1 The LORD hates cheating, but he delights in honesty.
5The godly are directed by their honesty; the wicked fall beneath their load of sin.
6The godliness of good people rescues them; the ambition of treacherous people traps them.
7When the wicked die, their hopes all perish, for they rely on their own feeble strength.
8God rescues the godly from danger, but he lets the wicked fall into trouble.
20The LORD hates people with twisted hearts, but he delights in those who have integrity.
21You can be sure that evil people will be punished, but the children of the godly will go free.
27If you search for good, you will find favor; but if you search for evil, it will find you!
Proverbs 12
3Wickedness never brings stability; only the godly have deep roots.
6The words of the wicked are like a murderous ambush, but the words of the godly save lives.
7The wicked perish and are gone, but the children of the godly stand firm.
13The wicked are trapped by their own words, but the godly escape such trouble.
16A fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted.
18Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.
19Truth stands the test of time; lies are soon exposed.
20Deceit fills hearts that are plotting evil; joy fills hearts that are planning peace!
21No real harm befalls the godly, but the wicked have their fill of trouble.
28The way of the godly leads to life; their path does not lead to death.
Proverbs 13
5Those who are godly hate lies; the wicked come to shame and disgrace.
6Godliness helps people all through life, while the evil are destroyed by their wickedness.
Proverbs 14
11The house of the wicked will perish, but the tent of the godly will flourish.
32The wicked are crushed by their sins, but the godly have a refuge when they die.
Proverbs 15
3The LORD is watching everywhere, keeping his eye on both the evil and the good.
9The LORD despises the way of the wicked, but he loves those who pursue godliness.
Proverbs 17
9The LORD despises the way of the wicked, but he loves those who pursue godliness.
Proverbs 19
9A false witness will not go unpunished, and a liar will be destroyed.
Proverbs 24
17Do not rejoice when your enemies fall into trouble. Don't be happy when they stumble.
18For the LORD will be displeased with you and will turn his anger away from them.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
EURIKA!!!
I JUST FIGURED IT OUT!!!
I finally got my passwords all back in order! Oh, wait, you weren't expecting something deeper, were you? Remember, this is Ol' Big Scott here, not someone who has Phd, MD, or some other abbreviated big name after their name. Well, I guess I could put ADD after mine just to confuse people so we could communicate better.
Oh yea, back to the EURIKA!!! part. If your like me you've got passwords for your email(s), banks, credit cards, Paypal, Ebay, so on and so forth. The part I really hate is that no one has come up with a set standard for passwords! Wouldn't it be great if some super smart person somewhere came up with some kind of system where you could use the same numbers, letters, & symbols for all of your passwords and yet your passwords would be universally safe & accepted, not to mention you would have a password that you've got a chance of remembering? I smell $$$ here for someone much smarter then me!
Sorry I've not been able to blog for a bit. My router for my home network went down and I was basically off the web for about a week. That was rough! Yes, you can have withdrawal symptoms from loss of the web too! Anyway... I'M BACK!!! :-)~
I'll see if I can't get something up every day or two now that our network is back up & I've got some time now.
Be Blessed!!!
Big Scott, ADD
P.S. In case you forgot like me or if I lost you a ways back in the first paragraph, I guess I should mention that the ADD after my name would be for Attention Deficit Disorder. Got Ya, didn't I! Hehe
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)