I know that most of my writings have a very upbeat feeling to them. For that I have to give God thanks. Unfortunately, when one has Bipolar disorder, no matter how good things go you are still going to have down times. That’s just the nature of Bipolar disorder. For about a week now I’ve been in one of those down swings or more appropriately known as a time of depression.
I thought that I would write about what it’s like to be battling depression like I’ve been having. First of all I really hate going into our bedroom. When I do finally head off to bed at night I do so with great reluctance. In fact, sometimes I almost hate going to bed. When I’m really fighting off depression I go to bed knowing that I’m going to have a fight not only going to sleep but also to getting out of bed the next morning.
On nights like last night and mornings like this morning about the only way I can get to sleep & then get out of bed again is cry out to Jesus. Last night after I had laid there in bed for about forty-five minutes I was getting so desperate to get to sleep that all I could do was cry out and say “Jesus, please do something, take this pain so I can get to sleep!” Likewise, this morning, I had such a lack of energy and motivation that after fighting back and forth with myself I finally said “Jesus, give me your strength, help me to get out of this bed!”
When I am battling depression like I am right now, make sure to heed the words of one of my former counselors, Alice, when she told me “During the day make sure you stay away from your bed.” Alice had that one right. Alice also told me “The worst thing you can do is lay down in the middle of the day.” On days like this if I go into our bedroom at a time other then when it’s time to go to bed I just feel the energy being zapped out of me and I just want to curl up in our bed and shut down. Sometimes it’s all I can do to follow Alice’s instruction.
When I get down like this I’m sure glad that I’ve got Jesus in my life! I truly feel that the only thing keeping me from going over the proverbially edge is Jesus. If it had not been for Jesus I don’t know if I would have even bothered to get out of bed today. At least I know where my strength comes from. Psalm 18:1&2 says:
I love you, LORD; you are my strength.
The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior;
my God is my rock, in whom I find protection.
He is my shield, the strength of my salvation, and my stronghold.
Be Blessed!
BIG SCOTT
1 comment:
Thanks for posting your experience with depression.
I have a battle with depression caused by hormonal imbalances, including serotonin. Of all things, chocolate has been helping. Not the run of the mill Hershey's Milk Chocoalate, but the dark, 70-80% cocoa, dairy free, kosher kind. And tons of Vitamin B.
Lately, I actually felt a minor breakthrough -- everyday chores didn't feel like fighting an uphill battle of bondage, just something needing to be done!! Hallelujah!! Seems like a small thing, but not for the chronically depressed and sufferers of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
My worst thing is not getting enough oxygen at night due to allergies. I wake up in the morning without enough rest. Before going to bed, I take all my allergy meds and some ibuprofen. This seems to help. When I do this, I can actually feel like getting out of bed.
When I was in England, the climate really made a difference, though.
Blessings and Shalom,
Kat ^..^
(and Katie in her lap)
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