I Prayed A Simple Prayer...

Several months back I prayed a simple prayer.  I prayed a prayer similar to Psalms 139:23 & 24: “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts.  Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.”  I prayed this when I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder.  I figured if God was going to bring healing in my life with my mental disorders, I figured I might as well open up and get rid of all of my garbage.

When I prayed this prayer I was hurting bad enough that I really didn’t care what God did as long as God did something to get rid of the pain.  This has been a prayer that in the past I’ve always heard that yes, we as Christians need to pray this prayer as it’s just the thing that we ought to do.  So being the somewhat good, not so little Christian that I’ve been for the past seventeen years or so I prayed that prayer over and over again.  The only problem was that I did not ever really mean what I prayed until I hit bottom back in April & May.

It’s amazing what God can do when you give God permission to do something in your life AND you actually mean it.  Since May, or should I say since I prayed that prayer and meant it God has brought a bunch of healing into my life.  It’s amazing the people that God has brought into my life, people that God sent to heal up a bunch of old wounds. Some of these wounds were from the stupid things I did when I was out of control and wounds caused by others doing things to purposefully harm me.

Another nice thing that’s happened since praying that prayer is that God has worked to restore several old relationships.  Many of these relationships faded away from neglect on my part while others I destroyed through my acts of carelessness.  Not all of the relationships that I would like to be restored have been restored but I know that God is moving in the peoples lives.  

The thing now is though that since I can come with a clean and pure heart, I can approach these people that I’ve hurt in the love of God.  I can go to these people some day and honestly apologize and offer to them the love that God has placed in me.  I have one person in particular that I am anxious to apologize to.  

When we were younger, still in junior & senior high, I spent a bunch of time together with this person I need to apologize to.  I was careless, insensitive, and just downright angry and hurtful to this person when I had no right to be.  When this person was searching, had been hurt, and needed friendship I failed this person.  I look forward to the day when I get to look this person in the eye and ask for forgiveness.

For me, having a mental disorder such as Bipolar disorder that went undiagnosed for as many years as mine did destroyed many of the best years of my life.  In addition, being out of control at times like I was for so many years also destroyed a great many friendships.  God is hard at work in my life now doing two things.  God is cleansing & healing me and then God is now starting to restore what the enemy stole when I was helpless and out of control.

I don’t see having a mental disorder now as having a destructive force in my life.  I see just the opposite.  Now that I’ve both been diagnosed and accepted my diagnoses God is now free to work through me to show his wondrous, mighty healing and redemptive powers.  God now is taking a very badly broken vessel, repairing and healing it so his light can shine through it.

Will you pray that prayer AND mean it?  Will you let your life be a vessel that God’s light shines through?  If I can do it you can too!

Be Blessed!

BIG SCOTT