Why???

Why???

The number one question I’ve been asked is “Why are you choosing to share my life & my mental disorder with the world?”

The answer is rather pretty simple. It seems for all of my life I’ve been on the edge. What is this edge? This edge is the edge of completion, the edge of winning, the edge of success, the edge of intercession, the edge of greatness, the edge of being the husband I want to be, the edge of being the father I want to be, the edge of nearness to God, the edge of whom I want to be and the edge of whom God wants me to be.

For years and years every time I got to that edge something would happen, I would falter, or I would allow someone or the enemy to stop me at the edge and then fall back so that I would never go over that edge and get to where I want to go or be who either I or God would want me to be. I have had a great deal of success in many different facets of my life. Sometimes I’ve even broke through and even had some really serious successes. Every time, without fail that I’ve had these successes I’ve faltered.

I feel sorry for my parents and those that love me. Every time I was going along & doing well, getting to the point that someone would start believing in me I would do something totally wrong, weird, or off the wall and here would come the failures and disappointment. Not only have I been a disappointment to myself for many, many years, but also to my family and many of my friends. I have been tormented, bruised, & beaten for a time longer then I can remember over these failures and disappointments.

It’s time for a change! I’m sick and tired of loosing! I’ve been spending a great deal of time in God’s word and with God over the past few months. You know what I’ve found out? God has not called us to be failures. God didn’t call us to be disappointments. Jesus didn’t die on that cross just so we could give everything back to the enemy.

For once in my life I am going to succeed! I know that I know that God has called me to be an example to those that are also suffering with mental disorders. Jesus is not a failure. Jesus lives in me. Since Jesus lives in me and Jesus is not a failure that means that I am no longer a failure either!

Do I still suffer from mental disorders? Yes. Do I still have a need for medical intervention for my mental disorders? Yes. Do I still need my meds to help control my mental disorders? Do I still go for talk therapy to help with my mental disorders? Yes.

OK, so if I still do all of the above, why do I need Jesus? Because Jesus is STILL in the healing business! Why has Jesus just not stepped up and instantly, miraculously healed me of my mental disorder? I don’t know & I don’t really even care. I just know that Jesus heals.

Sometime Jesus heals through miraculous intervention. Sometimes Jesus heals through time in allowing the great human body that God himself so intricately and divinely designed to heal itself in the way God designed the human body to heal itself. And sometimes God calls on medicine and medical science to help heal the body.

Where am I in this scope of healing? I personally believe that God is using a bit of every type of healing listed above to help in my healing. I know the meds have helped with my terrible mood swings and helped bring me up from a pit of depression so low that I was considering suicide. I know that God has used talk therapy to help me open up and get a ton of my pain out where God can deal with my pain and heal my pain. And the biggee- I know that God has done miracles in me and through me in that I now have relationships again with some of those whom I hurt or just shut out.

I just have to share a miracle here that has been going on for about three months now. One of my best friends growing up was a girl named Robin. We were like brother and sister. We graduated together in a class of only seventeen kids! Up until about three months ago, we really hadn’t even so much as even talked to each other since we graduated almost 25 years ago. God reunited us like I said about three months ago via the internet and telephone. Come to find out that we’ve both been to the pits of hell in back in our lives and that both of our lives have been filled with a great deal of trauma.

God is so awesome! We now once again have one of the most awesome brother/sister relationships that one could ever hope for! God has worked in us that we are now lifting each other up in Jesus! We are eagerly working towards a family reunion with both of our families! I told Robin tonight that when Jesus actually brings both of our families together in person someone had better bring the Puffs! There is going to be a whole bunch of holy, happy tears flowing from the great work that Jesus has done!

Let me challenge you. Pick one thing that Jesus could do that would bring healing and joy in your life. Ask Jesus to help. Pray that Jesus would bring healing in you in his (Jesus’) way so that you too can have a “Victory in Jesus”!

Be Blessed!

Scott