God Still Speaks

This is quite a long blog.  I wrote this blog last Sunday & I had to wait for my internet service to be fixed so I could post it.  Hope you enjoy it!

I feel like God has just shared something with me.  I was sitting here playing games on the computer and listening to a program on Cornerstone Television.  On the program was a group of guys talking about what the Lord had delivered them from and how God was now able to work through them.  One of the guys was talking about how the Lord had delivered him from all kinds of sexual sins.

While I was listening to this guy talk about his previous sexual sins and how perverted he had been I felt the Lord start to speak to my heart.  I felt the Lord saying to me “This is what it’s all about.  It’s about setting those that are captive free.  That is why I am setting you free and delivering you.”

I knew what the lord meant when he spoke those words.  I know that I’m not to be ashamed of my Bipolar disorder.  I know that the Lord wants to be glorified in my Bipolar disorder.  I know that the Lord wants the world to see how He is restoring me.  I know the Lord is using me as an example.

Look at all the garbage in my life that I’ve had to deal with.  We now know that I’ve had ADHD since I was a kid and I’ve had Bipolar disorder since I was in my late teens.  I’ve also had to deal with both of these disorders on my own without them being diagnosed for twenty five plus years.  Due to me having these disorders I was always just a little bit different and this has opened me up to some terrible ridicule and abuse.

When I was in my adolescence I was terribly and ritually abused.  I still have flashbacks to it to this very day.  But what is amazing here is that now I’ve had the opportunity to minister to some of the people that abused me.  Turning the tables like that is just one way how I know not only God is working through me but wants to continue to work through me in the future.

I’ve got a ton of garbage in my past.  The key word here is “past.”  The past is in the past and what has happened can’t be undone.  But I don’t have to let my past affect my future anymore.  I know the future that the Lord has for me is far different then the past that the devil had for me.
I wrote the other day that I’ve been a Christian now for close to eighteen years.  I also wrote that in that time I’ve never learned how to give my pain to Jesus.  Today Jesus showed me that I have learned how to give Him some of my pain.  I didn’t realize what I’ve done until the Lord gave me a big example today.

Today the Lord spoke into my heart and asked me how I felt close to a year ago when I first went in for treatment for my mental disorders for the first time.  Looking back I remembered that I was consumed with pain at that point.  In fact I was so consumed with pain that my wife expected to come home and find me dead from suicide.

After remembering that pain I heard the Lord asking me “Where did that pain go?”  All I could say was “I don’t know Lord, where did that pain go?  I know it’s gone but where did it go?”  The Lord spoke to me and said “I took that pain.  You actually let go of a little bit of pain and I took that pain from you.”

I know there are a couple of things that the Lord has done to take away my pain.  The biggest way that I was able to give up a bunch of my pain to simply spend time with the Lord.  The more time I spent in God’s word the more I understood about what happened and why those that had wronged me did what they did.  In spending time with God in His word I actually had some of my anger and hurt turn into compassion for those that had hurt me.

The other big way that the Lord was able to take away my pain was to do just what I’m doing here and that is to sit down and write.  The more I write about my problems, my struggles, my pains and my hurts the more the Lord is able to get the garbage and out in the open and deal with my garbage.  If that garbage is not hid, festering, stinking, and growing then that garbage isn’t able to stink me up on the inside anymore.

It’s amazing how the Lord can and will work in your life if He’s given half a chance.  When I look at the here and now, just the shallow stuff that’s happening today I don’t always see Jesus at work in my life.  However if I look at a broader picture, if I look back over the past year or more I can see huge accomplishments and strides that I’ve taken in the healing walk that the Lord has set before me.

I’ve got a vision for my life in the future.  I know that the Lord doesn’t want me to be silent.  I know that the Lord wants me to get out and tell my story.  I know that the Lord wants me to talk to gatherings of people.  I know that the Lord wants to use what He has done and what He is doing in my life as an inspiration for others so that they may too start their travel down the redemptive road that the Lord has for them.

I’ve come a long ways and I’ve still got a long ways to go.  I can’t stop now, I just can’t.  Stopping is what I’ve done for the past three months or so.  I tried to just be in kind of a neutral zone so to say.  The only problem with that is that there is no neutral zone.  You’re either moving forward or you’re sliding backwards.  For the past three months I’ve been sliding backwards.

It’s time to move forward again.  As bad as it may hurt at times I’ve got to take up my cross and follow Jesus.  When you get hurt and you have to go to the doctor it can hurt what the doctor has to do to make you better but the pain is only for a short time.  If you don’t go see the doctor when you get hurt you may not heal properly and you may have pain for the rest of your life.

Jesus is the Great Physician.  Jesus brings healing and will heal you if you let him.  That’s exactly what I’ve got to remember.  I’ve got to spend time with the Great Physician and let Him heal me.  Only Jesus can heal me.  I’ve just got to stay the course.  No going back, only going on with Jesus.

Be Blessed!

BIG SCOTT