N-E-R-V-O-U-S ! ! !

Why is it so easy to stand up and tell the other whole wide world that you should just "Trust in God" but when it's your neck on the line all of a sudden it's not so easy. So many times I've prayed with people and reminded them of what Jesus said in Matthew 25-27 "So I tell you, don't worry about everyday life--whether you have enough food, drink, and clothes. Doesn't life consist of more than food and clothing? Look at the birds. They don't need to plant or harvest or put food in barns because your heavenly Father feeds them. And you are far more valuable to him than they are. Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Of course not."

I guess that I now have to add that to another one of those "Christian Cop-Outs" right up there with "I'll pray about it" or "It's not my calling". Why do I say that? This past week and up through this weekend my wife and I have been faced with a major decision. This decision is one that will invariably affect our lives from here on out.

A week ago last Thursday I was involved in a major accident (crash) at work. I'd been driving truck for about three months as part of my duties running the Wichita operations for a mid-size truck line. I had a mechanical failure in the tractor part of the tractor/trailer rig that I was driving. This mechanical failure caused my trailer to become separated from the tractor which in turn destroyed the trailer and shut down North Mead Street here in Wichita for about three hours while the wreckers and a haz-mat team cleaned up my mess. This last Tuesday my employers insurance company ignored my 3/4 million miles accident & violation free achievement and told my employer they were not going to insure me. My employer called me up, apologized to me, and let me go. I will say that I did respect the way that my employers Safety Director handled this situation. I beleive that the Safety Director is a good and Godly man and that made an unpleasant task for the two of us a little less unpleasant. For once it was nice to NOT be lied to!

This is where the "Trusting God" part comes into play. I have many, many times regretted not finishing college. Monday the second half of the fall semester starts. I have my financial aid in place. I am enrolled already for this fall. All I need to do is go in Monday morning and switch my classes around and start Monday afternoon. I even have gone so far as to sign up for special assistance for help in dealing with my ADHD in college. Yes, I too was amazed that there was special help for students with disorders such as mine.

Understanding and special assistance for students with special needs such as the ones I have where I'm facing having to deal with not only my ADHD but also my Bi-Polar disorder was never even thought of much less in place when I was in college the first time back in the mid 80's. Yes, the doors of education are wide open for me. I even have a letter of recommendation from a major Real Estate Broker here in Wichita to assist me in to getting the "Real Estate Entrepreneurial Program" that I want to get into at Wichita State.

I'm facing making the decision of do I walk through the wide open doors in front of me where I even have people waiting for me offering me a helping hand and put all of our dreams and hopes on hold & fight to make our budget balance for the next 2-3 years? Or do I stay with truck driving, paying our bills, getting by OK, but yet worrying about when the next calamity will come? My wife Pam says she is for me going to college. What a wife!

How much faith do I really have? Wow, what a question! I don't know about you but it's been a long time since God has sent me a faith test of this magnitude. Do I have enough faith to carry my family through 2-3 years of lean times so that I don't have to fight the trucking battle for the rest of my life and I can provide a much better income level for my family? Do I have enough faith to allow God to put people in my life to carry me through when I'm struggling in college with my ADHD? Do I have enough faith in myself that I will follow God's lead? Faith, Faith, Faith. How much Faith do I really have? I have about 36 hours to decide how much faith I really have.

I've decided either way Proverbs 30:7-9 should be my life’s desire. "O God, I beg two favors from you before I die. First, help me never to tell a lie. Second, give me neither poverty nor riches! Give me just enough to satisfy my needs. For if I grow rich, I may deny you and say, "Who is the LORD?" And if I am too poor, I may steal and thus insult God's holy name."

If you get a second, you might say a little prayer for me so that God will show me just how much faith I really do have!

Be Blessed!

Big Scott