Frustrating...

If I had to describe life using only one word I’d have to use the word “Frustrating.” As I chat online and talk with others in this world we call Bi-Polar Disorder I know I’m not alone. But for some reason I seriously doubt that those of us with a mental disorder are the only ones that would describe life this way. In fact we may have a couple of advantages. First, at least we’ve got an excuse! Second, most of us are already seeking treatment and therapy which means that at least we have someone to turn to in our times of distress.

I’ve just been frustrated lately with my job situation. Along with bipolar disorder I’m also ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). Being bipolar & ADHD means that even when I’m on the down swing of my bipolar, I’m still pretty hyper. This is what the doctors call a “mixed state.” On the flip side of this, when I’m on the upswing of my bipolar I can get totally manic and bouncing off the walls! This is where the Seroquel that I take really comes into play.

Seroquel is a huge blessing from God for not only me but my family and friends too as I can do a pretty decent job of staying under control. Even with Seoquel though I still sometimes still have a pretty hard time concentrating and paying attention to the details and being good at tasks that take a great deal of concentration. This has got me in trouble over and over again at work and cost me a bunch of good jobs. This is what probably cost me my last job and why I do get frustrated at times.

Fortunately my Pdoc and her nurse are monitoring me very closely and working with me and my talk doc to help me through this and to conquer this for the first time ever in my life. I’m getting better but I’m frustrated that I’m not there yet. I guess Jesus is teaching me patience as I wait on my healing.

I guess that I’m doubly blessed. I’ve got two places to turn to when things get to overwhelming and I get too frustrated. I am scheduled at least on bi-weekly bases to spend time with my counselor or therapist (Tdoc) if you will. But what do I do if I need someone to talk to in my moment of need? I have the advantage of having a loving and caring God to turn to! I know that Jesus is there for me 24/7/365!

Be bipolar I sometimes have times of great depression that are deeper then my meds can lift me up. It times like this that I know that I can find comfort in my Bible. I open my Bible, let the Holy Spirit lead me, and without fail, God speaks to me through his word and I am comforted. Likewise, when I’m manic, which is where I’m at most of the time, I know I can grab my headphones, tune in to Air1, and chill out with my Christian rock!

I’ve heard it said that if a person has to take meds on a long term basis such as I do that we’re just not trusting in Jesus for our healing. Hogwash! I have no choice other then to trust in Jesus. If it wasn’t for Jesus I’d be sunk because for me to have enough meds to keep me in control I’d literally be a zombie! All I can tell you is that Jesus chooses how to heal in his own special and unique way.

I’ve seen a bunch of people prayed over and healed. I’m one of them. In 1990 I crushed a disc in my lower back and two vertebrae grew together. In 1997 I had a set of lower back x-rays from the same doc that shot my x-rays seven years earlier. That doctor thought for sure that he had the wrong set of x-rays in 1997 when he found that the two vertebrae were no longer fused and the disc had grown back. My doctor told me he had never seen that happen before and he had been in practice close to forty years!

Sometime Jesus chooses to bring comfort. I was born with a mild case of spina-bifida. I’ve got three vertebrae in my lower back that never quite grew together. Two of these were the ones that had the crushed disc between them and were healed. Jesus chose to heal the vertebrae but not the spina-bifida. Why? I don’t have a clue. All I know is that I have to trust Jesus on a daily basis to bring me comfort in my back.

Other times I see Jesus work through doctors. The apostle Luke was a physician. This is what I know that Jesus has chosen to do for me in the case of my bipolar disorder. I am receiving treatment both from doctors and from Jesus’ Holy Spirit. That’s what I talked about earlier. Through the doctors I get my meds which smoothes out the highs and the lows, or should I say makes the roller coaster ride not so wild! Then along with that I get the ministering of God’s Holy Spirit that really keeps me going along in as normal a matter as I could ever hope for.

I know that Jesus put doctors on this earth to help us physically. I believe that doctors are another tool for Jesus to use in his healing of us. Unfortunately, there is sin in this world that prevents God’s perfect will from taking place. That won’t happen until the end as is talked about in Revelation 20 & 21. But until that time I can keep trusting in and receiving my healing from Jesus, however Jesus chooses to bring me my healing.

Having to face my diagnosis alone without Jesus is a very scary thought! It’s a thought that I praise Jesus that I don’t have to face! I have a loving and caring Savior, who is my Father in Heaven. I love my Father and my Father loves me. I know my Father wants the best for me, his child. Knowing that, no matter what else happens, I am blessed!

I hope you’re blessed too!

Oh… Now that you mention it, I’m a little less frustrated now that I think about it!

As Always…

Be Blessed!

BIG SCOTT

P.S. Happy 4? Birthday To My Loving Wife Pam!!!