Here’s something that I thought that I’d throw up here on my blog. For English in college I had to write a paper entitled “You an Your Goals.” This is me and this is where I’m at. I hope and pray that with me opening up that maybe others will be encouraged to open up and let some of their stuff out too.
Be Bleesed!
BIG SCOTT
First, let me tell you a little bit about me. I’m a 43 year old guy that is married to wonderful woman named Pam and we’ve been blessed with six kids and one grandkid so far. Pam had two kids already when we met in 1991. In 1992 we married and along the way we’ve been blessed with four more kids. In February of this year our oldest daughter and her husband blessed us with our first grandson.
As far as being married goes Pam and I have been married a little over seven years this time. I say this time because we’ve been married twice now. We were first married in 1992 and that lasted until 1996. In 1996 we divorced and were divorced until we were remarried in December of 1999. People ask why we got remarried and I jokingly tell people it’s because Pam couldn’t stand to live without me and I couldn’t afford the alimony! This always, most certainly brings forth at least a shoulder slap and some sort of rebuke from my wife!
The truth as to why we were divorced is that I was not a happy and healthy guy to be around when we were divorced. I had separated myself from God and was living a life that was overbearing and without love. To say that I was somewhat overbearing would be an incredible understatement. How my wife put up with me as long as she did is beyond me.
It is a true miracle that we were able to get remarried. Looking back it is totally awesome seeing the different people that God brought into my life, the doors that were closed, and the very few choices that I had in my life during the three years that we were divorced. The changes that God made in my life in those three short years were nothing short of miraculous. I went from the king of my world in which I was quite simply a pompous ass to a much more humble and loving man. A man that not only could God do something with but a man that my wife could love again. I also was able to be a father to our children again.
After we were remarried I continued to do better and was finally able to quit job hopping all of the time. In the past I had a problem with sometimes not holding a job for more then three months at a time. If I held a job for a year it was considered a miracle. The fact remained however that I still had some instability, an instability that I just couldn’t get a grip on. I knew something was wrong but I didn’t know where to go or where to turn. Add to that I had an unfounded fear of what would happen to me if I sought help with this instability.
In April of 2005 my world started to come crashing down around me. I had no choice but to seek professional help with my problems, my instabilities. After a fair amount of testing and talking I was found to have Bipolar Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder (OCD). These three are often intertwined as is the case with myself.
With my Bipolar Disorder I would suffer from extended periods of euphoric highs which would be capped with me having a mental crash. When I was on the euphoric highs my ADHD would really kick in. Short term memory loss and loss of long term direction in my life is something that in the past has been something that has always haunted me. Add to this mix OCD and you’ve really got a mess.
As far as my OCD goes in the past couple of years I finally managed to control my OCD by doing two things. First I found that if I stayed obsessed with God then by OCD doesn’t get me into trouble. Secondly my doctor has found a great medication for me to help me with my OCD. The OCD was the worst issue I had to deal with as it was the one issue that was the hardest to deal with. Dealing with my OCD meant a lifestyle change. I also had to repent before God for letting myself allow my OCD to drag me into self destructive activities and then I had to ask God to help me focus my OCD ob him.
After working for about a year to get a balance of meds and therapy I am happy to report that I now am doing better then I’ve done in close to thirty years! How wonderful it feels to finally be stable again! One of the greatest feelings that I have now is that the instability is all but gone. Once in a while I’ll have a little bit of fluctuation or instability but nothing serious any more. For the first time in many, many years I can once again start to plan for the future!
What are my plans for the future? Where do I want to go? I have a vision for the future. A vision that I believe that is from God. I want to preach the Gospel. It’s that simple really, I want to preach the Good News of Jesus Christ. To enable me to do that and be effective I believe that God wants me to have a college education.
I hope to finish at Cowley either in the Spring or Summer of 2007. From Cowley I plan on attending Tabor College Wichita and pursue a degree in Christian Ministry. From there the Lord willing I would like to receive a Masters Degree in Education from Wichita State. If the doors continue to stay open after Wichita State I would like to pursue a Doctorate Degree from Logos Bible College of Florida. I can do my Doctorate studies right here in Wichita at Word of Life Church and School where we attend as members.
In addition I want to continue to grow not only the father that the Lord has called me to be but also the husband that the lord has called me to be. I know that in the past I’ve failed at both a father and a husband but by the Grace of God and through the leading of God’s Holy Spirit that is changing. Quite simply, every day, I want to be a little bit better father, a little bit better husband, and a little bit better child of God.
Oh yea, one last thing. I want to get back on my diet and loose 150 pounds!
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