These are my writings, my thoughts, my struggles, my goals, my dreams, and my accomplishments. I hope my writings in some small way can inspire you to push on and seek Jesus.
Saturday, October 22, 2005
I feel the need...
WOW!!! That really felt good to say that!!! I mean REALLY, REALLY GOOD!!!
When facing a live altering diagnosis such as Bi-Polar Disorder why do I get so positive about the future? It’s because I know how hard I’ve fought in the past, especially the past ten years without any support from anyone other then a few close friends and my pastors. It’s because I can see how far I’ve come just this year since my diagnosis. It’s looking back at how far I made it with my disorders in place and for how long I’ve had this disorder.
My lifelong friends tell me I’ve had it since at least the sixth or seventh grade. Knowing that I’ve made it just to the start of this year when my treatment actually started tells me that if I can keep at least some of that fight alive that I used for the past 30+ years that I’ve got a pretty bright future! Jeremiah 29:11 says: For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
I know that there are many, many people out there traveling this same road of mental disorder that I’m on. There are some that find this road to be a little bit smoother then I’m finding it and for that I give God praise. But there are far, far more people out there traveling this road with me that find this road to be a great deal rougher then I’m finding it. It’s to this group of weary travelers that I reach out my hand. To offer unto these what I have that helps smooth out my road.
Who goes out before me to smooth my way? None other then Jesus himself! Jesus speaks to us in Matthew 11:28-30 saying: "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light." This is so incredibly true!
Tonight, I was having some problems figuring out just what it is that really do need to do since I lost my job almost two weeks ago. Finally I made myself a big cup of hot mint tea, ran a nice big hot bath, my loving wife brought in a candle and turned out the lights, and then I put my headphones on with some really great Christian music. I was in this mode for a little over an hour until I wiped out all of hot water.
Slipping away like I did meant that I got to spend quite a bit of time on a Saturday night with my Father (God)! It was just Father & I. No one else! I laid there and told my Father what I was feeling and what my problems were. I then listened and my Father just ministered to me and spoke to my heart. I now have a direction in which way to go. I know where to start. I need to do this more often!
If you’re traveling down life’s road and it’s getting to rough for you might I suggest going to Jesus and ask Jesus to lead you so that you too can find a smoother, gentler road to travel? The prospect of having to travel life’s road, especially if that road is taken up with a mental disorder, without the hand of Jesus to guide me is just too scary for me. I know that I’ve got a disorder, that I’ve got problems, and that I can’t make it on my own.
This is from the heart tonight. I hope and pray that somehow a piece of my heart has reached out and touched your heart. I hope and pray that this blog leads you to think about where you’re at. I hope that I can help someone have a better life through Jesus!If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to click on my picture on the top right, then click on my email link on the page that opens up & send me your thoughts or questions. I’d love to hear from you! If you have any prayer requests let me know! Not only will I pray for you but I’ll also submit your prayer request to our church’s prayer team. Don’t worry, everything will be kept confidential!
Be Blessed!!!
BIG SCOTT
nOrMaL???
Then on the other side of the coin I was chatting with another BP person who’s Mother will not give this person any peace. It seems Mom calls up when she’s having mood swings and fits of anguish. Mom has to call up and take it out on her twenty-something BP child. Mom has the attitude of “why can’t her child be normal like her?” I have to agree with some of my fellow BP’ers. If people like Mom are normal, we’re glad we’re not normal like them!
I’ve been reading and studying a great deal on Bi-Polar Disorder. It seems that Bi-Polar Disorder is the one Mental Disorder that has the most distinct physical link. Bi-Polar Disorder has a definite genetic link. Invariably, if a person is BP, you will find someone in that person’s family who also is BP in some form or another. This person may be a parent, aunt, uncle, or grandparent. It will show up somewhere in that person's family tree if you look hard enough.
Here’s an interesting side note. I’m doing some research of people in the Bible that had a mental illness. This is really kind of fascinating. Some of the greatest people in the Bible, such as King David, had some type of mental illness. King David at times had to fight off some serious duty depression. The kind of depression that King David had to fight off, especially the depression he talks about in some of the Psalms is the depression today that many people take anti-depressants for. I’ll write more about this later.
The reason I wrote that last paragraph was to help illustrate that those that one would think to be “normal” may indeed have mental issues. Add to that the first paragraph where one thinks that they too are “normal” and things can get kind of cloudy when you think about who really is “normal.”
Does this make any sense? Do you consider yourself “normal”? Please keep in mind then that those of us who actually admit and seek help for our mental disorders may actually be more normal then some of the people we see every day. At least we’re normal enough to admit we’ve got a problem and get help!
Oh, btw, Happy 40th Birthday, a day late to “Extreme Home Makeover’s” Ty Pennington! Ty is ADHD, which to anyone who watches “Extreme Home Makeover” would pretty much agree with! Ty is on ADHD meds and is an ADHD spokesperson for Shire Pharmaceuticals and their ADHD meds.
Be Blessed!
Big Scott
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Terminology
In our world we have a treatment team that may include some or all of the following members:
Our Psychiatrist: (P-Doc)
A psychiatrist is a doctor who diagnoses and treats brain disorders. A psychiatrist prescribes medication and may also provide psychosocial therapy.
Our Psychologist: (Talk Doc or T-Doc)
A psychologist provides therapy for psychological and emotional issues. A psychologist may also specialize in areas such as marriage or family counseling, behavioral therapy, and stress management.
Our Psychiatric nurse: (P-Nurse)
A psychiatric nurse helps people with bipolar disorder manage their physical and emotional health and is available to answer questions about medication and treatment.
Here's the other member's of our team that we normally don't abbreviate for:
Our Social Worker:
A social worker provides therapy and/or helps you access and coordinate the healthcare and social services that you may need.
Our Nutritionist/Dietitian:
A nutritionist or dietician helps you make healthy food choices by teaching you how to plan healthy meals and maintain healthy eating habits.
Our Pharmacist:
A pharmacist helps monitor the medication that your psychiatrist prescribes. A pharmacist can also answer questions about your medications and their side effects.
Keep in mind that not everyone has every one of these team members in place on their team for various reasons such as don't need all of them, $$$, or other reasons.
Hope this helps!!!
Be Blessed!!!
Big Scott
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
B-U-M-M-E-R ! ! !
In Revelation 20 & 21 we get to see the end. In the end Jesus wins and so does those us who are called by his name and receive him in our hearts, repent, and proclaim as our Savior. You would think that when God has me reading something like that I should know by now that an attack is on the way. Maybe one of these days I’ll get the HINT!
So why are we under so much attack? I would say it’s pretty simple. This coming Sunday at Word of Life Church here in Wichita, Pam & I are renewing our vows. It’s going to be a real short & sweet only taking about ten minutes or so BUT the ministry that will pour out on those that are there through what God brings forth in testimony and then in Word from Pastor Rob will be just awesome! I am excited for what God is doing!
Couple of notes here…
I’m still working on getting my ADHD under control so I don’t get over hyper under pressure and mess up.
We’re also still working on slowing down the cycling of my Bi-Polar disorder. The good news is that highs aren’t quite as high or long and the lows aren’t as low and long as they used to be. The bad news is that one of my new meds, Geodon, is not agreeing with me very well.
I’ll post more as the week goes along about this weekend. Knowing me, it ought to be a HOOT!
Be Blessed!!!
Big Scott
(a)Revelation 20:2
Saturday, October 15, 2005
N-E-R-V-O-U-S ! ! !
I guess that I now have to add that to another one of those "Christian Cop-Outs" right up there with "I'll pray about it" or "It's not my calling". Why do I say that? This past week and up through this weekend my wife and I have been faced with a major decision. This decision is one that will invariably affect our lives from here on out.
A week ago last Thursday I was involved in a major accident (crash) at work. I'd been driving truck for about three months as part of my duties running the Wichita operations for a mid-size truck line. I had a mechanical failure in the tractor part of the tractor/trailer rig that I was driving. This mechanical failure caused my trailer to become separated from the tractor which in turn destroyed the trailer and shut down North Mead Street here in Wichita for about three hours while the wreckers and a haz-mat team cleaned up my mess. This last Tuesday my employers insurance company ignored my 3/4 million miles accident & violation free achievement and told my employer they were not going to insure me. My employer called me up, apologized to me, and let me go. I will say that I did respect the way that my employers Safety Director handled this situation. I beleive that the Safety Director is a good and Godly man and that made an unpleasant task for the two of us a little less unpleasant. For once it was nice to NOT be lied to!
This is where the "Trusting God" part comes into play. I have many, many times regretted not finishing college. Monday the second half of the fall semester starts. I have my financial aid in place. I am enrolled already for this fall. All I need to do is go in Monday morning and switch my classes around and start Monday afternoon. I even have gone so far as to sign up for special assistance for help in dealing with my ADHD in college. Yes, I too was amazed that there was special help for students with disorders such as mine.
Understanding and special assistance for students with special needs such as the ones I have where I'm facing having to deal with not only my ADHD but also my Bi-Polar disorder was never even thought of much less in place when I was in college the first time back in the mid 80's. Yes, the doors of education are wide open for me. I even have a letter of recommendation from a major Real Estate Broker here in Wichita to assist me in to getting the "Real Estate Entrepreneurial Program" that I want to get into at Wichita State.
I'm facing making the decision of do I walk through the wide open doors in front of me where I even have people waiting for me offering me a helping hand and put all of our dreams and hopes on hold & fight to make our budget balance for the next 2-3 years? Or do I stay with truck driving, paying our bills, getting by OK, but yet worrying about when the next calamity will come? My wife Pam says she is for me going to college. What a wife!
How much faith do I really have? Wow, what a question! I don't know about you but it's been a long time since God has sent me a faith test of this magnitude. Do I have enough faith to carry my family through 2-3 years of lean times so that I don't have to fight the trucking battle for the rest of my life and I can provide a much better income level for my family? Do I have enough faith to allow God to put people in my life to carry me through when I'm struggling in college with my ADHD? Do I have enough faith in myself that I will follow God's lead? Faith, Faith, Faith. How much Faith do I really have? I have about 36 hours to decide how much faith I really have.
I've decided either way Proverbs 30:7-9 should be my life’s desire. "O God, I beg two favors from you before I die. First, help me never to tell a lie. Second, give me neither poverty nor riches! Give me just enough to satisfy my needs. For if I grow rich, I may deny you and say, "Who is the LORD?" And if I am too poor, I may steal and thus insult God's holy name."
If you get a second, you might say a little prayer for me so that God will show me just how much faith I really do have!
Be Blessed!
Big Scott
Friday, October 14, 2005
Backstabbing
I know that there are many, many others like me out there that have been stabbed in the back over and over again. As I was lying in bed this evening I felt God wanting me to go through the book of Proverbs & see what God has to say about those that stab others in the back. I hope & pray as you read this you too see a pattern develop and I hope it helps in some small way.
Be Blessed with what I've found!
Big Scott
Proverbs 3
33The curse of the LORD is on the house of the wicked, but his blessing is on the home of the upright.
34The LORD mocks at mockers, but he shows favor to the humble.
35The wise inherit honor, but fools are put to shame!
Proverbs 6
12Here is a description of worthless and wicked people: They are constant liars, 13signaling their true intentions to their friends by making signs with their eyes and feet and fingers. 14Their perverted hearts plot evil. They stir up trouble constantly. 15But they will be destroyed suddenly, broken beyond all hope of healing.
Proverbs 9
7Anyone who rebukes a mocker will get a smart retort. Anyone who rebukes the wicked will get hurt.
8So don't bother rebuking mockers; they will only hate you.
Proverbs 10
6The godly are showered with blessings; evil people cover up their harmful intentions.
7We all have happy memories of the godly, but the name of a wicked person rots away.
8The wise are glad to be instructed, but babbling fools fall flat on their faces.
9People with integrity have firm footing, but those who follow crooked paths will slip and fall.
11The words of the godly lead to life; evil people cover up their harmful intentions.
23Doing wrong is fun for a fool, while wise conduct is a pleasure to the wise.
24The fears of the wicked will all come true; so will the hopes of the godly.
29The LORD protects the upright but destroys the wicked.
30The godly will never be disturbed, but the wicked will be removed from the land.
31The godly person gives wise advice, but the tongue that deceives will be cut off.
32The godly speak words that are helpful, but the wicked speak only what is corrupt.
Proverbs 11
1 The LORD hates cheating, but he delights in honesty.
5The godly are directed by their honesty; the wicked fall beneath their load of sin.
6The godliness of good people rescues them; the ambition of treacherous people traps them.
7When the wicked die, their hopes all perish, for they rely on their own feeble strength.
8God rescues the godly from danger, but he lets the wicked fall into trouble.
20The LORD hates people with twisted hearts, but he delights in those who have integrity.
21You can be sure that evil people will be punished, but the children of the godly will go free.
27If you search for good, you will find favor; but if you search for evil, it will find you!
Proverbs 12
3Wickedness never brings stability; only the godly have deep roots.
6The words of the wicked are like a murderous ambush, but the words of the godly save lives.
7The wicked perish and are gone, but the children of the godly stand firm.
13The wicked are trapped by their own words, but the godly escape such trouble.
16A fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted.
18Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.
19Truth stands the test of time; lies are soon exposed.
20Deceit fills hearts that are plotting evil; joy fills hearts that are planning peace!
21No real harm befalls the godly, but the wicked have their fill of trouble.
28The way of the godly leads to life; their path does not lead to death.
Proverbs 13
5Those who are godly hate lies; the wicked come to shame and disgrace.
6Godliness helps people all through life, while the evil are destroyed by their wickedness.
Proverbs 14
11The house of the wicked will perish, but the tent of the godly will flourish.
32The wicked are crushed by their sins, but the godly have a refuge when they die.
Proverbs 15
3The LORD is watching everywhere, keeping his eye on both the evil and the good.
9The LORD despises the way of the wicked, but he loves those who pursue godliness.
Proverbs 17
9The LORD despises the way of the wicked, but he loves those who pursue godliness.
Proverbs 19
9A false witness will not go unpunished, and a liar will be destroyed.
Proverbs 24
17Do not rejoice when your enemies fall into trouble. Don't be happy when they stumble.
18For the LORD will be displeased with you and will turn his anger away from them.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
EURIKA!!!
I JUST FIGURED IT OUT!!!
I finally got my passwords all back in order! Oh, wait, you weren't expecting something deeper, were you? Remember, this is Ol' Big Scott here, not someone who has Phd, MD, or some other abbreviated big name after their name. Well, I guess I could put ADD after mine just to confuse people so we could communicate better.
Oh yea, back to the EURIKA!!! part. If your like me you've got passwords for your email(s), banks, credit cards, Paypal, Ebay, so on and so forth. The part I really hate is that no one has come up with a set standard for passwords! Wouldn't it be great if some super smart person somewhere came up with some kind of system where you could use the same numbers, letters, & symbols for all of your passwords and yet your passwords would be universally safe & accepted, not to mention you would have a password that you've got a chance of remembering? I smell $$$ here for someone much smarter then me!
Sorry I've not been able to blog for a bit. My router for my home network went down and I was basically off the web for about a week. That was rough! Yes, you can have withdrawal symptoms from loss of the web too! Anyway... I'M BACK!!! :-)~
I'll see if I can't get something up every day or two now that our network is back up & I've got some time now.
Be Blessed!!!
Big Scott, ADD
P.S. In case you forgot like me or if I lost you a ways back in the first paragraph, I guess I should mention that the ADD after my name would be for Attention Deficit Disorder. Got Ya, didn't I! Hehe